


Coincidences

by reeology



Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M, Original Characters - Freeform, Romance, Slash, Stereotypes, apparently really heavy references to Rent the musical too, cranky mall workers, erratic redheads, heavy references to I heart huckabees, m/m - Freeform, reid probably needs to put on the brakes a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-14
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-02-13 03:44:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2135796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reeology/pseuds/reeology
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wasn't gay--until Reid decided I was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Co-written in 2005 with Pilot07 under the pen name Tipping Ivy.

Whenever my roommates told me I didn't get out often enough, I usually told them to mind their own fucking business. But after a year and a half of living with Ben and Josh, even I, Joel, the single most stubborn man on earth, had to give in eventually.

They told me to go to the park or a bar or somewhere social, but I had other ideas. See, I wasn't exactly what you'd call a people person – in fact, I hated most everyone in general, and spending any extended amount of time near anything even breathing tended to send me into angry fits.

So I decided a trip to the movies was in order, one of the few places I had deemed safe. Food, entertainment, a way to kill time, and you didn't even have to look at or talk to anybody. The perfect way to spend an afternoon, especially if you picked semi-independent films like I did. And there I was, sitting in my seat, hands in my lap, absently tearing apart a flimsy paper napkin when all of a sudden, shit! I had a guy in my lap. One minute I was trying to figure out the blanket theory, and the next…

"Ow, Jesus!" My popcorn spilled all over the floor and my vision was completely filled with wild red hair. "What the hell?" I growled, and caught an elbow in my stomach as my offender scrambled frantically away, calling over his shoulder at the very end of the stairs,

"Sorry, man, but I really gotta pee!"

He never came back.

And that was how I met Reid.

I met him again after the show, when I went out to dinner at the burger place right next to the theater. I had asked for a coke and was waiting for someone to take the rest of my order when I experienced another unpleasant collision.

"Christ, that's cold!" I yelled.

There was coke and ice all over my lap. When I looked up to see apologetic green eyes and a head of bright red hair, I knew it was him. I'd recognize that hair anywhere. I didn't know his name at that time, but I did know that he was a bloody lunatic, and that was all I needed. What was wrong with this guy?

"Holy shit, I'm sorry!" he said loudly, already grabbing napkins and trying to wipe my lap. Flustered, I grabbed them from him and shoved him away. Strangers definitely were not allowed to touch my crotch under any circumstances.

"Jesus fuck!" I hissed, and tried desperately to soak away the Coke before it stained my pants. Meanwhile, Reid just stood there, half-frozen on his way to finding more napkins with a confused look on his face.

"…Jesus fuck what?"

"Jesus fuck you," I snapped, and threw the napkins at him. He blinked.

"Jesus fuck…" He shrugged. "Mmm, okay." Then he did a double take, and his eyes widened as his mouth stretched into a friendly grin. "Hey, you're the lap guy!"

I glared at him. "And you're the guy who fell in my lap."

He laughed a little. "And now you have soda in your lap!" His eyebrows rose as he teased me, "Your lap is quite… absorbent."

I bristled at his laughter, angry beyond all belief. People all around the restaurant were staring at us, the guy with soda all over his pants and the laughing, unrepentant waiter, and I hated attention of any kind. "I'll absorb  _you_ ," I growled.

His smile faded a little, and he finally seemed to understand that he was my waiter, and that he should probably do something about all this. "I'll go get you another soda," he said.

"Coke, please," I murmured, five seconds away from burying my face in my hands and crying. Today had not been a good day.

Reid seemed to sense this and, smiling, added, "And a napkin."

I raised an eyebrow. "Maybe a towel."

He laughed. "And a towel."

I ate my food faster than it was healthy and was out of the restaurant while my pants were still wet. Normally I would have gone home and switched pants before I went anywhere else in public, but since I was out I decided to finish paying off a video game at EB Games (I was a big fan of pre-ordering games), which was just a short walk from the restaurant. Shopping centers were great.

I quickly went inside gave the bloodsuckers the last few bucks for the game, ignoring the comment I heard some girl make behind me about the quality of my potty training. I scoffed at her, holding my purchase close to me, and walked back out the doors to get back to the safety and seclusion of my home.

I was almost free and clear when –BAM! That same red-haired punk blasted into me. He gasped and his green eyes went wide once he saw me. "Is that what I think it is?"

"Uh…" I noticed he was staring at the game bag. I answered him hesitantly, "If you think its Halo 2, then yes." He yelled and latched himself onto me in a matter of seconds. "Oh my fucking God," I growled, trying to pry him off of me. "What is  _wrong_  with you?"

He pushed himself away, but refused to let go of my shoulders. "Halo 2! Need I say more?" A quirky grin passed over his face. "I came in here to hug the stand-up poster for a while, but now I think I'll just follow you home!"

"You're not…serious are you?"

Those big green eyes just blinked at me in disbelief. "Totally serious. Why not?"

There wasn't much to do but shake my head. "…crap."

"You wouldn't want to…. give me a ride would you?"

My  _God_. I've never seen a more convincing pout! I mean, even puppies and the littlest, tiniest of babies don't have this kind of magnetism. I really didn't want to have anything to do with him, but he looked so pathetic, and I could always toss him out of the car if he gave me any trouble…

Dammit, I was losing my stubbornness. I'd given in twice in one day.

I sighed, "Fine." I hesitantly gestured that he should follow me out to my car and saw him light up with happiness from the corner of my eye.

He started talking again once we reached the car. "You know, this is our third coincidence, so it's not really a coincidence anymore. Now it's more like… _fate_."

I twisted the key in the lock so the door would open. I thought about only unlocking my door and driving away, but I worried that I might get too many evil points and I'd grow horns. Horns and bangs don't mix either; Fable taught me that. "You really took that movie to heart, huh?"

The lanky red-head sank into the passenger seat. "Sort of. According to the blanket theory, I am the blanket."

It was then that I realized I didn't even know this guy's name. Ben and Josh were going to either congratulate or murder me when they got a load of this. My I-hate-people senses were tingling so hard that all I could really process was: "You're on crack."

"Maybe." He stopped to think for a minute. "Probably."

I rolled my eyes. "Great. What's your name anyway?"

"Reid." He actually held his hand in front of my face like he wanted me to shake it.

I waved it away quickly so that I could drive without accident. "Joel."

"Nice to meet you, Joel. May I give you a bit of advice?"

"What's that?"

"You need to learn how to drive more…aggressively."

"Aggressively?" I looked over at him curiously. He had both eyebrows raised, grinning. "How so?"

"Allow me to demonstrate." Reid pointed down a random street at my left and yelled, "Quick! Turn here!"

"The hell?" I drove by, annoyed. No one makes a turn  _after_ they pass up the intersection. "There wasn't enough time, you moron!"

"See, that's what I'm talking about! You need to make more…Nascar turns." He illustrated by pretending  _he_  was driving, pulling off the sharpest looking turns I'd ever seen. "Like, you know, put the drivers to  _shame_. Here, hop out and I'll show you how it's done." He started to unbuckle his seatbelt.

I'd read somewhere that honesty was the best policy with lunatics, so…

"I'm afraid of you," I said rather bluntly.

He just smiled and reached across me and went for the steering wheel. "Good! That's the way I like it. Now move over."

"Jesus Christ!" I tried to grab the steering wheel back, but no dice. I knew I was going to die. "What the fuck are you— _stop sign_!"

"Stop signs are for the weak!" He yelled triumphantly, blowing past it without a second thought.

I glanced back at the crime we'd just committed. "For the record, running them is for the  _dead_."

"Who are you kidding?" He looked at me indignantly. "You're the one controlling the brakes!"

I looked down at my feet, realizing that not only was I in charge of the breaks, but the gas, too, and immediately felt like an idiot. Of course, feeling like an idiot only made me angry, and I wondered why the hell I was risking my fucking life just to make some crazy stranger stop pulling puppy faces on me. I tried to calm down. "Okay." I was in control of most of the cars functions. I saw my street coming up. "Turn here!" I couldn't help but scream when he turned the car like the maniac he was.

"See?  _Nascar turns_!" He grinned at me.

I timidly pointed toward my driveway, and he swerved into it without even blinking. The tires screeched loudly as I remembered that I could stop the car just before it was too late. I caught my breath and held my heart from jumping out of my chest. "Oh, man, my roommates are gonna kill me once they see you…"

"You have roommates?" He smiled brightly. "Sweet! Do I hear a Halo party calling?"

"Oh, for the love of…" I sighed, "Fine, come in. Just don't break anything." I paused, thinking that over, and added as an afterthought, "Except maybe your neck." I very hesitantly unlocked the door and let him follow me inside. Since I didn't really know him, I assumed he really was here solely for Halo, so I led him down to the basement. The basement was where I slept and, more importantly, where we kept the TV and game consoles.

I went to hook up the Xbox while Reid busied himself looking around the rest of the room. "…What's that box on the ceiling?" He asked, and reached up to pull down on the little knob attached to it. Before I could warn him, my roommates' dirty underwear fell through the laundry chute and onto his head.

I couldn't help but wince, choking down laughter. "Looks like Ben had Mexican."

"Disgusting!" He flailed until the clothes fell off him onto the floor. "You mean I'm touching some  _other_  guy's dirty underwear?"

I turned around from plugging in the Xbox to the TV and raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you implying that it would be okay if you were touching  _my_  dirty underwear?"

He sighed wistfully. "Did I not say it was fate?"

"You're freaking me out." I shoved the last cord in and muttered to him, "Go sit down or something." It took a minute to really come to terms with what I'd gotten myself into. "Away from me," I added.

Reid tried that pout again. "You're very boring."

"And you're very crazy. Now sit." I handed him a controller, making sure to avoid eye contact. Reid made an upset-sounding noise and looked a little angry. I went to the minifridge that was hidden across the room to pillage for a soda. After all, what bunch of college guys  _doesn't_  have a separate fridge devoted entirely to drinks in their house?

"D'you want something to drink?" I asked.

"Diet coke," he replied promptly.

"Diet?" I pulled my head out of the fridge to stare. "We don't affiliate with  _diet_  coke drinkers here."

"In Cyberland we only drink diet coke," he sang.

I shook my head and threw a can toward that bright red target that was his head. "Well, Maureen, I suggest you convert if you want to stick around."

He caught it easily, dammit. Probably because he'd turned around too look at me. "Really?" He brightened.

"Yes." Then I realized what I'd said and faltered momentarily. "Wait, I mean, no. You should stick to diet coke, because I don't exactly want you sticking around. I'm not very fond of you, you know."

"But we're bound by fate!" he protested.

"Or your poor coordination," I corrected. "Now shove over so we can play." I pushed him over and picked up the first controller so I could have the top... screen. I mean, who wants the bottom screen? Dumbasses. Then the opening screen popped up before I could say anything else to him, and I set him up before launching into cooperative mode.

So we played Halo 2 for a very long time, until my eyes burned from the unhealthy light of the TV and I almost couldn't stand it anymore. It was almost 5:30 in the morning, and I suddenly died somewhere it wasn't safe to respawn. It only took about fifteen minutes of listening to Reid trying to blast aliens through a wall before I just fell asleep. Have you ever been awake at 5: 30 in the morning? It doesn't take much to fall asleep at 5:30 am, especially if you got up at something like 7:30 the morning before.

The next time I woke up, Reid definitely wasn't shooting aliens anymore. In fact, he was curled up next to me on the couch,  _cuddling_  me.

It was too early to kill him, so I blinked rather blearily instead, groping around blindly for my glasses, and noticed two pairs of feet standing nearby.

"Dude, I didn't know you were gay," a voice said. That would be Ben.

"What?" I sat up quickly. "I'm not!"

Next to me, Reid opened his eyes a little and stretched out like a cat. "You're not?" He was way too casual about that.

"No!" I growled.

He popped up off the couch and pointed at me with a triumphant little grin on his face. "That's a double-negative! That means you are!"

"Joel, I can't believe you've been hiding this from us!" Josh stood next to Ben, sounding genuinely hurt.

"I wasn't!" I looked between my two roommates. "Honestly. I'm not gay!"

"Yes, you are!" Ben argued. Josh nodded in agreement, pointing to Reid as evidence. Dammit.

"Well, maybe half," Reid suggested.

Josh glanced at Reid, then at me, looking scandalized. "You're bi?" he yelled in surprise.

"What?" I shook my head frantically. "No!"

"But he just said you were!"

I threw my hands up in defeat. "I'm confused!"

Reid slid his arm around my waist, grinning. "Don't worry, Joel," he said, and leaned forward to nuzzle my neck. "I'll help you discover your true sexuality!"

I shoved him away before he could do anything else. "Not  _that_ kind of confused, you idiot!"

"Idiot?" He laughed. "You're the one who's confused."

My roommates were starting to look nervous. They inched slowly towards the door as Ben said, "Maybe we should leave you alone to figure this out—"

Reid flashed them a thumbs up, and I panicked. Being left alone with Reid was like signing a death certificate as far as my male virginity was concerned. They had just turned their traitorous backs on me to leave the room when I was struck by complete desperation and yelled out,

"You're going to leave Halo 2 just because you're homophobic?! Are you kidding me? What kind of nutjobs  _are_  you?"

Ben and Josh shared a conspiratorial look before slowly turning back to me, both of them grinning.

"You've got a point," Josh said.

"Yeah!" I smiled at him, relieved.

"We'll kick you out and keep it for ourselves." And they grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and hurled me outside. Seconds later I found myself with an armful of frisky redhead, and they slammed the door in our faces. Reid immediately threw himself at the door while I stood back, contemplating my doom.

Reid had one ear pressed against the door while he hung limply off the doorknob. "Halo….I can  _hear_  it!" He crumpled to the ground limply. "This is the single most painful experience of my life!"

"Quit whining, I'm the one that bought it." Man, I was really pissed that my roommates were big enough assholes to sell my male virginity for a game of Halo. What's the proper term for male virginity, anyway? Maleginity? I didn't really care about male virginity, though. Just mine. Maybe it was more appropriate to say my Joelinity was in serious jeopardy.

Especially since  _he_  was busy cuddling me again. "No need to be sore about it. Can I make it up to you?"

To say the least: "Um, no."

"Oh, come on, you should at least give it a try…" He inched towards me.

"Once again: no." I pushed his face away quickly. "I don't think so."

Reid sat back and crossed his arms with an air of confidence. "I think you need to learn a little about trust. Fate is on our side."

"Freaking  _no_ , okay?"

He sighed overdramatically, "You're just too stubborn for me. Whatever shall I do?"

I backed up a couple of stairs in defense. "Don't get any ideas!"

"Hum…" He practically crawled on top of me, stopping when his face was inches from mine. "A little late for that," he said.

"You're crazy!"

He laughed. "Only for you."

"Get off me," I growled and shoved him off me as hard as I could, leaving him lying on his back on the stairs.

"Get you off? Gladly!" Reid sat up quickly and reached toward me again.

"No!" I yelled, panicked again. "I said  _get off_ , fuckhead!"

"You got it." He grinned dirtily.

"Not that kind of—arrgh, you're impossible!"

That smile never faded. "It's my specialty."

"Whatever." I looked away from him angrily, brushing my hair out of my face. I noticed that I'd taken my watch off last night and was gripped by another sudden bout of panic. I grabbed Reid's sleeve and pulled his wrist up to my face. "What time is it?" I snapped.

He gave me an odd but not displeased look at our close contact. "Around ten, why?"

"Shit!" I dropped his wrist and bolted for the street by my house. "I have to go to work!"

He ran beside me as I searched frantically for my car. I couldn't remember where the fuck he'd parked it. Well, where I'd parked it, technically, but he'd been steering…

"Chillax, man," he said, smiling serenely. "Here, let me tell you a joke to calm you down."

"No," I snapped, distracted. I patted my pants pocket for my keys and almost cried when I couldn't find them. I started tearing at my hair instead, staring dejectedly at the asphalt. This morning sucked.

Reid came up behind me and laid a hand on my shoulder, which I was too depressed to shake off. "Ask me if I'm a truck," he instructed.

"The fuck?" I glared at him, but he insisted.

"Ask me if I'm a truck!"

"Fine," I sighed, defeated, and looked at him agitatedly. "Are you a truck?"

He laughed in my face. "No! Jesus, do I  _look_  like I'm a truck?"

I bristled immediately. "What the fuck was—"

He interrupted me quickly, "Now ask me again."

I gritted my teeth and played along. "Are you a truck?"

"Maaaaybe." He rocked back and forth on his heels, grinning. "Now ask me one more time."

"…Are you a truck?" My eyebrow twitched in annoyance.

"Yes."

I stared at him, dumbfounded. "Is that the end?"

"Yup," he said proudly.

"…That was the worst joke ever," I decided.

He looked extremely smug as he said, "Ah, maybe so, but it got your mind off work, didn't it?"

"Not anymore, it didn't," I growled. "I'm gonna be late, and I don't even have my fucking keys!"

"I'll drive you!" he said, and pulled _my_  keys out of  _his_  pocket. I made a grab for them, but he jumped away, dangling them just above my head. I lowered my chin in defeat and nodded. My only coherent thought was  _God help me._

Reid was the scariest person I'd ever seen behind the wheel of a car. Something inside of me was impressed with the fact that we hadn't died yet, but that part of me was being smothered by the other part of me screaming for dear life in the passenger seat.

"Hey, where do you work anyway?" he asked after a few minutes of aimless driving.

He was _way_ too calm about this situation. "The book store," I answered, semi-distractedly, and paused before elaborating. "The one at the mall."

"You know…" He pulled off a mad U-turn that actually slammed me into the door. I gripped the handle tightly in case I had to jump out and avoid a car crash. "For someone who pretends not to like me so much you give away a lot of personal information." Another slam into the door with a right turn. "If I didn't know better I'd think you were trying to tell me something."

" _What?_ " I thought about choking him, but I didn't want to make him slam into another car. "Who are you kidding? I have to tell you or I lose my job! In case you didn't notice,  _you're_  controlling the car!"

He just laughed and tapped my nose. "You're so cute."

I grumbled in fear and disgust. "Just watch the road, okay? You're going to kill us both."

"Don't worry," he said. "Fate will protect us."

I rolled my eyes. "Didn't Huckabees teach us that there is no such thing as fate?"

He seemed to consider this possibility, but only briefly. "Only if you want to have sex in the mud with a crazy French chick."

I frowned. "Ew, no thanks."

"Ah, so you  _are_  gay!"

Once again, I was really starting to get pissed about how calm he was about this whole situation. We were hurtling down the highway, avoiding near-death experiences left and right, and all he would concentrate on was hitting on me and trying to figure out my non-existent sexuality. That confidence of his was really starting to piss me off. "I just don't like mud," I said eventually.

"Whatever you say." He finally stopped the car in front of the entrance to the mall. I got out as fast as I could, a little impressed that he was actually thoughtful enough to pick the door closest to my store. "I'll pick you up after work, honeybutt."

I froze just as I was about to slam the door shut. "What did you just call me?"

"Honeybutt," he repeated, and I stared at him in disbelief.

"What the hell is a honeybutt?"

Reid winked quickly. "You'll find out." He leaned over and shut my door before he pulled away from the curb, missing a group of pedestrians by only a few inches and nearly plowing into the rows of parked cars.

I sighed. What was I supposed to do with this guy?


	2. Chapter 2

"Fucking moron took my fucking car." I stood outside of the mall, shaking because I was so cold and very angry that I hadn't taken the time to grab a jacket before I left. However I was even angrier that Reid had stolen my car and was late to pick me up. "Stupid fuckhead! It's fucking cold outside you'd figure he's fucking smart enough to--"

I felt a pair of hands rest on my shoulders that spun me around to face the object of my immense hatred at the moment. "Having a Huckabees moment?" He asked.

That sneaky bastard! "I hate Huckabees," I grumbled back.

"You mean you  _heart_  Huckabees!"

"No, I mean I hate it! That stupid movie is the cause of all this!" I  _really_  wanted to punch Reid in the face and knock off that stupid smile of his.

"You know, according to the blanket theory—"

I pushed him away from me before he could finish. I was tired of all this movie bullshit. "Fuck the blanket theory, and fuck  _you_!" I climbed into the car, which was parked just behind us. I realized he still had the keys and slumped miserably against the window in the passenger's seat before muttering, "Now drive me home."

Reid popped into the driver's seat, seemingly unfazed. "How about some pizza?" he suggested.

"How about  _no_?" I snapped, leaning away as he reached across the seat for my face.

Reid drew himself back and started up the car. "Jeeeeez, you're cranky! Have a bad day at work?"

I threw my hands up in disgust as I remembered the torture I'd endured that day. "The people I work with are morons. Why is it I'm the only one out of fifteen other capable adults who knows how to change the fucking journal tape? Honestly, Tye called me five times because she kept  _screwing it up_ , and I still had to fix it in the end! And then James broke the cabinet when he  _sat_  on it, even though we're not even  _allowed_  to sit…" I trailed off, scowling at the memory. "God, I hate them."

Reid laughed. "I think it's pretty funny. I know how it is when you work; you need stuff like that just to break the monotony." He tossed a very suggestive look, "You need to learn to enjoy what life throws at you."

I just frowned back at him. "You weren't thrown at me. You fell on me."

He shrugged. "Same difference!"

I closed my eyes as we pulled out of the parking lot, trying to ignore the way Reid was trying to get us both killed with his crazy driving techniques. "Whatever. Maybe I'll try, so long as you keep your hands to yourself."

"I can't make any promises about that." Reid reached over to grab my thigh.

My eyes snapped open and suddenly all I saw was a little old lady crossing the road in front of us. "Jesus Christ, watch the road, will you? Where'd you learn to drive?" I shoved his hand back to the steering wheel and, more importantly, away from me.

"Their fault for getting in my way!" He sang happily as he swung around her.

I directed a quick, angry look to the roof of my car. "God, why did you send me a lunatic?" I moaned. I buried my face in my hands for the rest of the ride home. I really didn't want to watch myself die…

Back at my house, no one was home. Josh and Ben must have gone out. Could they pick a worse time to abandon me? No. I jumped out of the car, eager to be free from Reid's crazy driving, and spent a few minutes reacquainting myself with the ground. I noticed a certain redhead's shadow falling over me, and was about to stomp off to lock myself safely away from him but somehow he sensed my intentions. Reid grabbed both my arms and pulled me up, my body flush against his, and said into my ear, "Want to take advantage of your roommates' generosity?"

"No. I want you to—" And that was when he slid his sneaky rat bastard hand down the back of my pants. I yelped and tried to jump away, but he still had a firm grip on my waist (and my ass), so I panicked and did the only thing I could think of.

I punched him in the face.

" _Oww!_ " He reeled back, immediately releasing his hold on me to press both hands to his bleeding nose. I felt a brief pang of guilt, but pushed it away.

"That's what you get," I snorted. "Next time, watch your hands!"

"I don't have to; I knew exactly what I was grab—  _ow_!" I couldn't help it; I hit him again. Not in the face this time, though. I had more heart than that.

"Don't touch me," I said with a frown.

"Hell, are you kidding me? You mean I have to wait for you to make a move? He sighed and dropped his hands, both of which were covered in blood. "That just isn't fair."

"Shit," I said, realizing I must have hit him harder than I thought. I grabbed his arm and dragged him inside. "You okay?"

"No." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which it was.

"Jesus, you're bleeding all over the carpet." I grabbed him and, ignoring his hopeful look, pulled him over to the kitchen sink. "I'm  _not_  going to make a move, so you can just forget about it." I shoved his head under the running water to see where the damage was.

"Are you sure?" He said when I quit drowning him.

"Yes." I pushed him into a chair and tipped his head back, pinching his nose to stop the bleeding.

"…Then why is your hand on my thigh?" He tapped the hand I was using for balance on his leg.

"I'm fixing you!" I blushed and immediately drew myself away, leaning on the back of the chair instead. I thought about hitting him again, but that really would have defeated the purpose.

He grinned a little despite the broken nose. "My face is broken, not my leg."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "If you don't shut up, it  _will_  be." I got up to make an ice pack from the fridge. "And don't even think about moving, it might start bleeding again."

"Thanks, honeybutt!" he said merrily. I looked back at him once I was done wrapping ice in a paper towel, scowling.

"Call me that again and I'll kill you" I smacked the ice onto his face roughly.

He reached up and held it in place over his nose, his hand on mine. Sneaky bitch. "According to the blanket theory—"

"Shut up!" I jerked away, rubbing my fingers to rid them of his uncomfortable warmth.

He grinned. "Yes, sir."

Well, that was new. "Since you're in such a cooperative mood, I guess this is a good time to tell you to get out."

"Whaaaat?" He pulled the ice away from his face and sprang out of his chair to stare at me. "Why?"

I rolled my eyes. "The guys will be home soon, and I have to cook dinner. Your insanity is quite counterproductive." I started pulling out cooking utensils to find any food that was cookable (also known as ramen noodles).

Reid got up and gently steered me away from the stove. "No way, man! I'll cook for you!"

"I don't trust you; you might put an aphrodisiac in my food or something." I wheeled around on him and pushed him towards the door. "Get out." I slammed the door shut behind him and locked it. I ignored the knocking at the door for a while and went on with making the food.

About an hour later I heard the door unlock and watched Ben and Josh file in. Just peeking over their heads though I could see the tips of a familiar head of red hair. Josh waved cheerfully as he crowed, "Dude, Joel, your boyfriend is so cool! I never knew gay men could play sports so well!"

I stared at him in disbelief. Didn't he know he'd just willingly let the bane of my existence back in our house? I choked, "What?"

Josh laughed, shaking his dirty blonde hair out of his eyes. "Yeah, man, he kicked both our asses in basketball outside! He's awesome!"

Reid looked quite smug, even with that broken nose of his. I was sure I looked quite murderous. I knew I  _felt_  murderous. The oven went off and I grudgingly distracted myself from thoughts of killing Reid by finishing dinner. Instead, I saved those thoughts for while we were eating.

While Reid won over Ben and Josh like total suckers, I was content to imagining all the thousands of ways that I could get rid of him. Though I don't really know where I could get the weaponry necessary… and even if I did I'm not sure most of those plans would work, Reid was a pretty persistent little bastard.

I snapped out of my thoughts when I noticed a big patch of orange in my face. "Christ!" I yelped.

"Chillax, man." Reid placed a warm hand on my shoulder and smiled. "I'm just getting your dishes."

I saw Ben and Josh were sneaking away in my peripheral vision. Those two were so tall; it was hard to miss them.

"Where are you two going?" I growled.

They froze at the sound of my voice, ducking their heads. Ben lifted his gray eyes guiltily to meet mine. "Hey, man, we'll just leave this to you…"

"That's not fair, I  _made_  the fucking food!"

"Dude, I have to go to go do homework. I'll cook and clean tomorrow," Ben whined.

"And I have to go fix the computer…for  _you_ , man," Josh pointed out.

"I'll help you with the dishes," Reid offered, wrapping his arms around my waist and grinning.

"Whatever." I pulled myself away from him and turned on the faucet. Ben and Josh had the courtesy to wave before they left us. I secretly planned to shave both their heads while they slept.

"So." Reid stood close enough that our shoulders touched. "I notice you didn't object when they called me your boyfriend." He jerked his thumb over his shoulder to indicate my idiot roommates.

"I was still in shock." I passed him a dish.

He grinned. "Like I said before, if I didn't know any better—"

I hit him as hard as I could with the wet towel. Wherein resulted a very satisfying smack and a cry of pain. I smirked as I said, "Then it's a good thing you  _do_  know better."

"Aw, look, it's so cute!" I whirled around to see Josh and Ben  _not_  executing their excuses to get out of dishwashing, but  _spying_  on us instead. "Joel and his boyfriend are flirting!"

"Fuck off, Josh."

Ben grinned at me, brushing his brown hair away from his face as Josh recovered from my insult. "We just came by to tell Reid that after we're done working we're gonna play another game, and he's welcome to kick our asses again if he promises to show us a few of his tricks."

"Excuse me, but there's still plenty of work to be done around here. And besides, what about me, you assholes?"

Josh took over again. "Dude, you're the one who's been keeping your sexuality from us for years! How long have we known you?"

How fucking ignorant could you get? My friends of several years were starting to hate me, and I could feel my eyes becoming suspiciously wet, but if I cried that would be _really_  gay. I gritted my teeth. "That's not the point."

Reid laughed. "Yeah, the point is that Joel and I need some alone time."

"Yeah, we got you, Reid." They turned to go and I swear that I saw Josh wink at him. I made a mental note to knock out his teeth after I finished shaving his head.

As soon as I heard the door shut I turned on Reid. "What the hell was that? Why do they like you better than me?"

"It seems you're the only one who  _doesn't_  like me," he replied slyly. "What's up with that, Joel?"

"You're a crazy bastard," I muttered.

"A  _cute_ crazy bastard," he corrected.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "So what?"

"Aha!" He raised his arms triumphantly. "So you don't deny that I'm cute! Joel, you're rejecting your true sexuality! Allow me to help you… _discover_  yourself." He put one hand on my lower back and pulled me towards him. Then he did the unthinkable.

He kissed me.

Now, let me tell you something about myself. I did not like people, especially not in  _that_  way, and I  _definitely_  didn't like being touched, so I'd say my continuous rejection was quite justifiable, wouldn't you? Especially considering the fact that: I. Wasn't. Gay.

I pushed him off me as hard as I could, a victorious smile painted in my mind as he lay flat on the ground. "Maybe I would like you better if you stopped hitting on me all the time," I suggested. "Haven't you ever heard of friends first?"

He sat up, unfazed. "Ah, so you're the traditional sort! I can do things your way for a change. How about I meet your parents?"

I choked, "You're joking, right?"

He shrugged, smiling. He was always smiling. "Depends on whether or not you were serious about that traditionalist thing."

I crossed my arms and sat down in a chair. "Not with you. Maybe with a nice girl, someday."

Reid just laughed from where he was sitting on the floor, a little bit of blood starting to drip out of his nose again. "Hey, if it comes to cross-dressing, I'm all for it. I think I'd make a pretty girl."

"You're sick."

"And you're adorable." He stood up quickly and grabbed the arms of my chair to lean over me. I drew back to hit him again but the sneaky bastard dodged my punch, making me fall into him, and our lips came together by chance. Or maybe not. You never could tell with Reid. "Let's go do something!" he chirped.

Fuck, I must have been blushing. In fact, I knew I was. The only question was whether or not I'd passed the tomato stage yet. "Get out of my way. I'm going to sleep."

"Ah, Joel—" he grinned. "You read my mind."

"Not  _that_  kind of sleep," I hissed, blushing harder. "God, why are you such a pervert?"

"I'm sorry," he said, looking very unapologetic. "You bring out the best in my libido."

"Christ, whatever." I stormed out of the room. "Just know that I'm locking my door tonight."

He followed close behind me, his face lighting up. "So I can stay?"

I sighed, "No, but I know you will anyway." I frowned a little as a thought suddenly struck me. "Don't you have parents or something?" I wondered.

"Not really," he said, giving me a lopsided little smile. "I have a cat, though."

Really? That was it? This guy was even stranger than I'd originally thought, and that was saying a  _lot_. "That's nice," I murmured, and slowly edged away from him. "I'm gonna go brush my teeth now."

He dramatically held one hand over his heart. "Ah, my love is so hygienic," he swooned. I made a face.

"Did you forget that I didn't shower today?"

"I didn't notice, and the day isn't over yet. You can still take one." He winked saucily. "I promise that I won't peek." He paused. "…For very long."

I turned red. "Goddammit, you're impossible!"

He smiled sweetly. Hopefully. "But I'm growing on you, right?"

"Maybe a little," I said without thinking. When the words caught up to my brain and I realized what I'd just implied, I threw him a little glare and pointed to the living room menacingly. "Go… staple yourself to a chair or something. I have to shower."

"I wouldn't have told me that if I were you." He grinned lecherously.

I just rolled my eyes and walked to the bathroom, double-checking to make sure the door was locked before I stripped down. I showered as quickly as possible, paranoia causing me to look at the door every five seconds for Reid's bright red hair. When I was done, I found a towel in the cabinet under the sink and wrapped it around my waist. Then, after looking down the hallway at least six times for any sign of Reid, I made a mad dash to my room and pulled on the first pair of clothes I could find. Afterwards, I ventured back into the living room, hoping Reid wouldn't be there but knowing he would anyway. As I suspected, he was sitting on the couch with a smug little smile, and I immediately felt nervous.

"You didn't look, did you?" I asked suspiciously.

"No, not at all!" He paused, his smile widening to a grin. "So, do you work out or something? You're not half bad, if I do say so myself!"

I felt my face growing hot, and I knew I was blushing again. Goddammit. "I hope you die in your sleep tonight," I told him seriously.

"Fine by me, so long as I'm sleeping next to you."

I sighed, defeated. "Do you always stalk people like this?" I wondered.

"Nope, you're special." He stood to put his arms around me, which I tired to shake off. "Fate, remember?"

"Yeah, I know." I turned and pointed to the couch he'd just been on. "Anyway, there's a couch with your name on it. Help yourself to some blankets in the hallway closet. I'm going to bed."

"What?" He was surprised enough to let go of me, and I took the opportunity to bolt down the hall into my room, where I locked the door firmly behind me. I ignored his frantic knocking and instead said overly sweetly through the keyhole, "See you in the morning!"

—

It was morning. I felt the sun warming the side of my face, and I was content with the knowledge that I couldn't possibly be late for work because my alarm hadn't gone off yet. I decided to rest in bed for a while, and it was a very peaceful experience until a warm arm snaked its way around my waist, and my eyes popped open as I fell out of bed screaming. I clutched my sheets in surprise, dragging them down with me to shield my half-naked body as Reid's sleepy head appeared over the edge of the bed.

"How the fuck did you get in here?" I yelled.

"Mm..." He rolled back over, disappearing under the comforter. He sighed, "It's too early to worry about that."

I jumped up and ripped the blankets away, furious. " _No_! How did you get in?"

He smiled mysteriously. "Your roommates like me, remember?"

"So go date  _them_ ," I growled.

"They're too easy." He reached over and slid both arms around me, dragging me abruptly back to bed against his chest. "Come on, it's really early… the sun's barely even up…."

"Who the hell are you kidding?" I pried at his arms in annoyance. "It's almost ten!"

"That's no time to be getting up," he insisted. I shivered at his hot breath on the nape of my neck and tried more furiously to be free of his arms.

"Did you forget that I have work today?" I snapped.

"I already called you in sick," he said, nuzzling the sensitive spot between my shoulder blades. I squeaked.

"I thought you said this was no time to be getting up!"

" _Earlier_  was time to get up and make sure that you were mine for the day.  _Now_  is no time to be getting up." He cuddled closer. "So quit being so ungrateful."

"Ungrateful?" I snorted, finally breaking away from his arms, and rolled to glare at him. "I never  _asked_  for you to stalk me."

"How many times do I have to tell you? It's fate!" He leaned forward, his lips hovering perilously close to mine, and I pushed his face away before I started blushing again.

"Whatever," I grumbled. "Get off me."

"Nooo…" Reid clung to my back when I tried to get up, and I ended up falling backwards onto the bed again. He promptly wrapped himself completely around me, smiling against my bare shoulder. "I like this," he said softly. "You're comfy."

I, of course, panicked and said the first thing that came to mind: "I'm not gay."

"Of course you're not," he laughed. "You're bi."

"I don't do guys, okay?"

"Ohhh, so you're the submissive type! Even better." He made to roll on top of me, but I stopped him.

"That's not what I meant," I said, frowning.

He sighed and sat up. "Oh, fine. You're no fun."

"Of course not." I sat up too, searching for my glasses on the bedside table. "Now, shouldn't you be working or something? I know you're a waiter."

He looked at the floor. "Actually…"

"Hmm?"

"You were the third person I spilled on that day."

I raised my eyebrows. "So?"

"So…they fired me."

It took me a minute to swallow that, and when I did, I felt guilty. But then I realized it was his own fucking fault for being so clumsy, and it was bad to show signs of sympathy for the crazed idiot sitting in your bed. So I settled for: "…That sucks."

He shrugged. "You're worth it. I can get a new job later."

"What about paying rent?" I asked.

"Well, I can stay here, can't I?" He looked at me hopefully.

I scoffed, "No."

"What?" He was practically on top of me again, but he hadn't tried to kiss me yet, so I didn't bother pushing him away. "Please, I'm quiet and I don't eat much and—"

I shook my head. "You are a  _bad_  liar," I told him. It was then that he pulled the same puppy dog look he did the first night we met, and it was all I could do not to scratch him behind the ears. That damnable look would be the end of me some day, I knew it. I yielded, "Well, I guess since it was my fault you were fired…"

"Yeah!" And then he really  _was_  on top of me, hugging me so hard I thought my insides would pop. "I'll bring my stuff around later!"

"I never said you could bring your stuff over…"

"That's okay," he said with a grin. "I can read your mind. According to the blanket theory—"

"Oh, God…" I rubbed my face with my hands, irritated. "We need to find a new movie to brainwash you with."

"Okay!" He hopped off me to his feet. "You pick, I pay."

I sat up again, scrubbing a hand through my hair. "You have no money," I pointed out.

"I'll pay you back," he pouted.

I shook my head. "No way, out of the question. What if I find you in my lap again?"

"That can be arranged." He grinned widely.

"That was a concern, not an invite," I snorted.

"Too bad." He walked back to the bed, falling into my lap.

"Not really." His nose looked pretty damn sore, and I didn't want to make him bleed again, so I resisted the urge to punch him in the face again and settled for shoving him to the floor. "So, are we going to go out or what?"

He laughed. "Sure, just let me get one last grope in."


	3. Chapter 3

Reid drove me to an apartment building I'd never seen before. I cautiously followed him up three flights of stairs and waited for him to unlock the door to room 301.

"Won't take long, honeybutt," he promised as he ducked inside. I cringed at the nickname but held my tongue for once, knowing it wouldn't make any difference.

Room 301 wasn't what I expected when I let myself in. It was surprisingly neat and clean, well decorated, full of good-looking furniture, and the colors were all coordinated. It lacked the unraveled look I'd began associating with Reid.

"You really  _are_  gay," I commented with a cross between mild shock and amusement.

"Uh, yes," he said, and gave me an odd look, picking up a backpack from a corner. "But the room is all thanks to the cat, she's much neater than I'll ever hope to be." Almost on cue I felt a soft push on my leg and looked down to see an orange and brown cat rubbing its head affectionately against me.

"What's her name?" I asked, watching in amusement as she tried to rub my ankles off. It was kind of cute.

"Max," he called from the next room.

I raised my eyebrows. "Max? Isn't that a boy's name?"

"Short for Maxine," he elaborated.

I reached down and rubbed her behind her ears, worried somewhere in the back of my mind that Reid's cat would be as weird as he was. She responded with a happy purr and stretched her neck toward my hand encouragingly. It was my experience that, as far as cats were concerned, this was kind of strange. The corner of my mouth twitched in a little smile as I said, "You can bring her along, too. We could use a maid."

"Sure!" Reid bounced back into the room wearing the backpack he'd picked up before, another bag held in one hand. "Ready to go," he chirped while he steered me towards the door.

I blinked. "That was fast," I murmured. I paused to gather the cat in my arms and waited for him to walk out first. I didn't trust him behind me anymore.

He grinned. "I'll show you fast." He shot out his empty hand to wrap around my wrist and pulled me to him so he could plant a kiss on my mouth quickly.

"Jesus, man!" I shouted and pushed him away, somehow managing to balance the cat in the process. "Can't you go  _five minutes_  without jumping me?" I was sure I was blushing again, so I hid it by hurrying out the door.

"No," Reid said smugly and locked the door behind him. "Definitely not." He smiled at me and added, "You're too cute to resist." I saw him reach for me again and I dodged out of the way.

"Let's just go," I sighed and started down the stairs. I rushed down the flights and got to the car before I realized that I didn't have the keys and had to wait for Reid to catch up. I stood obstinately at the driver's door – I didn't want to risk my life with Reid's driving. The lobby had big windows and I noticed Reid stop to say something to a man at a desk before he came outside, tucking a folded stack of letters into his back pocket.

He smiled at me and traded me the car keys for the cat when he finally arrived. He dropped his bags in the backseat and gently set the cat down next to them. "You know," he began as I turned the keys in the ignition, "according to Gravitation, we should be having sex by now."

I blinked. Leave it to Reid to watch gay anime. "Shuichi was cuter than you." I muttered back. Just so you know: the only reason knew anything about it was because way back in high school I was in anime club run by a rabid hoard of yaoi fangirls. When they weren't busy cooing over the gay boys in the cartoons they were trying to set me up with the only other boy who ever came to meetings. They ignored that he had come to try and score with one of them, while I ignored his teasing attempts to hit on me to impress them.

"Did you just admit to finding a guy attractive?"

I blushed in frustration. "….Uh, no. He looked like a girl."

"Pink hair doesn't make someone look girly!"

"Actually, that's exactly what it does." Reid opened his mouth to say something else but I suddenly came to my senses. "Wait. So does this make me the anime equivalent of a mysteriously sexy novelist?"

"Well, no. I mean, you're sexy, but Yuki was nicer than you." His cat jumped in his lap happily and waited for him to pet it.

"Excuse me? I'm not  _that_  bad." Yuki was a freaking asshole. If I was meaner than  _him_  I must really be terrible. No wonder Ben and Josh hated me now. "Maybe I'll work on it a little," I grudgingly conceded.

Reid moved one hand from the cat to my thigh and sang happily, "Thanks, honeybutt!"

I shivered involuntarily at the contact and glared at him. "Move your hand  _now_  and I'll forget you called me that," I managed through clenched teeth.

"And if I don't?"

I looked at the purple smudge covering the bridge of his nose. "I'll punch you in the face," I said honestly.

He frowned and moved his hand. He seemed to have the same idea I did. There was only a brief skip of silence before he changed the subject. "So what's for lunch?"

Reid was one fucking relentless bastard. "Leftovers."

"Of  _what_?" he scoffed. "Your roommates ate everything!"

It didn't occur toe me to ask how he already knew that. "What? Those fuckbags! What am I gonna eat now?"

I slammed on the breaks abruptly at a red light I hadn't noticed. Fuck Reid for distracting me. He looked over at me and I watched a smile creep onto his lips. "What would you do for a Klondike bar, Joel?"

I was suspicious. "Pay for it?"

"Not good enough!" He shouted indignantly. "F minus! The only reason I'm not giving you an F minus  _minus_  is because I think you're hot."

"Gee, thanks." I rolled my eyes.

"Come on, man, you gotta be  _creative_!"

I reluctantly mulled it over a minute. "…Let you win in Halo?" I tried.

"Tempting, but not what I'm looking for." Reid stopped petting his cat and folded his hands in his lap patiently.

I sighed, "Fine. I guess I'd…let you grope me or something?"

"Sweet action!" He yelled and bounced in his seat. "And I  _do_  mean action." He winked at me before he launched into a set of the scariest giggles I'd ever heard.

"On second thought…" He was scaring me. Really scaring me. He didn't think I was serious, did he?

"Oh no! Too late, your contract is binding!" And suddenly the horny bitch was all over me.

I did my best to wrestle him away without crashing the car. "Holy fuck!" I screamed. "At least wait until I'm not driving!" I accidentally swerved over the double yellow line and it was damn lucky that no one was there. Driving or not, Reid was a hazard.

He retreated back to his seat when a passing car honked in irritation and flipped us off as they drove by. He returned the favor before letting himself droop against the headrest. "Fate is on my side, I can wait," he decided. There was about two seconds of silence, then, "No, I can't. Pull over."

"What?" I couldn't have heard that one right. He couldn't possibly be horny enough that he actually expected me too…

"You heard me." Yes he could, apparently. I was officially scared now, especially when he pointed at me with a little grin and said, "Use those Nascar turns I was teaching you about! Here." And he reached over for the steering wheel while I one-handedly attempted to beat him away.

"I am  _not_  stopping until I see a stop sign, traffic light, or the house." I was really tempted to take the next exit to the highway and drive until we ran out of gas... But that meant a lot of extra time with a particularly frisky Reid in an enclosed space, so I decided against it.

"It's our house now," he said, absent-mindedly pushing the cat away as it tried to climb into his lap again. He had an oddly loving animal.

" _My_  house," I corrected him sternly.

Reid pouted until he noticed that we were seconds away from pulling into the driveway, which brightened his spirits considerably.

I  _very_  unwillingly stopped the car and Reid jumped on me before I could even unbuckle my seatbelt. I caught his hands and looked sternly into his green eyes. "Where the hell is my Klondike bar?"

"Where the hell is my grope?" he asked happily. Too happily.

"I want to see it first," I demanded.

"Oh…" He eased off me slightly. "I promise, you  _will_  get one."

I continued to glare fiercely at him. "It'd better be worth it. I'll murder you otherwise."

"Trust me, it will be." He smiled slyly and crawled over the seats.

I squeezed my eyes shut so I could pretend that I wasn't really letting Reid do this to me. Who was I kidding? His lips covered mine and his hand cradled the back of my head tenderly. Even ice cream wasn't worth this kind of humiliation. I kept my eyes firmly closed while I felt his other hand move down my side. I was only going to let him take this so far, and I didn't want this. I really didn't want this. I grabbed his wrist sternly and he redirected his course up my shirt instead. His hands were warm against my bare skin and I hated the feeling it gave me. How did I get myself into this? His mouth left mine and trailed greedily down my jaw and neck. It fucking tickled. I pulled my head back, trying to get away, and felt the cold glass of the car window against my forehead and almost screamed in surprise at the contrast.

Then, suddenly, he stopped. "See? That wasn't so bad."

There was no denying that I had far surpassed the tomato stage in the blush that was inevitably covering my face. I caught my breath and tried to set my heartbeat back to normal. "Where's my fucking Klondike bar?" I asked eventually and unbuckled my seatbelt.

Reid was still smiling. "In the fridge." He caught my wrist when I opened the door. "But you're not allowed to get it yet."

"Like hell I'm not!" I quickly yanked myself away from him and climbed out of the car as fast as I could to collect my reward. I bolted for the door of the house, ignoring Reid's yells of protest, and skidded into the kitchen. I ripped open the refrigerator door and was extremely pissed off to find no ice cream of any sort in the cold, empty cavern. "What the— _we don't even have any!_ "

All of a sudden Reid was right behind me. He sneaked his hands around my waist and nuzzled against my neck. He turned his head slightly so he could speak directly into my ear, "Minor detail…Want to pick up where we left off?"

I shivered at his hot breath and snapped, "Fuck you. I'm hungry."

"Some excuse," he said sarcastically and kissed the bare skin at the base of my neck.

"Shut up!" I tore away from him quickly (still red, I'm sure) and went back outside, nearly tripping on his cat when she ran past me to get inside. "I'm going to go buy some fucking food."

He leaned leisurely against the doorframe. "Like whipped cream?"

It took all of .2 seconds to get  _that_  image out of my mind. "No, you idiot!" I threw open the car door and dropped myself in the driver seat angrily.

I was about to slam the door shut when Reid caught it and bent down toward my face, "chocolate syrup?" he asked suggestively. "Strawberries?"

"I hate you!" I shouted and pushed him away, distracting myself by starting the car. "I'll be back later."

"I'm coming too," he said with that stupid fucking smile of his and walked around the car to get in the passenger seat. I dropped my head in defeat.

"Jesus…" I muttered into the steering wheel as I pressed my forehead against it, dreading my inevitable doom. I felt Reid brush his fingers against my neck and that was all the motivation I needed slam my foot on the gas pedal to get the hell out of the driveway.

The grocery store wasn't far from the house. The whole way there I concentrated very hard on my driving and  _not_  on the fact that I had just made out with Reid. I hardly even noticed that everywhere he'd touched me felt like it was on fire. Really.

"Hey, Joel—"

"Shut up!" I growled. I also ignored the fact that he was grinning like the fucking madman he was.

We walked into the grocery store and I grabbed a cart after slapping Reid's hands away. No way was he getting cart privileges after all the crap he'd pulled that day.

"I feel like a married couple!" he announced for the entire world to hear.

I shot a hand over his mouth to keep him from saying anything else on that note. "You  _what_?" I hissed. He tried to say something, so I pressed my hand harder against his mouth until I realized exactly what I was doing and jerked away. I was probably blushing again, so I turned away from him and started down a random aisle. Reid didn't seem to mind.

"Look at us, we're pushing a shopping cart together at the local grocery!" His eyes widened in excitement and he pointed across the store. "Let's kidnap that kid over there, she's a redhead, too, so she must be some distant cousin of mine anyway."

I stared at him in shock and immediately pulled him toward the produce isles to avoid disaster. "New rule: no kidnapping allowed."

"Okay," he said, sounding somewhat dejected. He started walking alongside me as I pushed the cart. It was like shopping with a little kid. "Can we buy salsa?" he asked.

I wanted to kill him. "No," I grunted.

That didn't keep him down long. "Can we buy Doritos?"

"No." I wanted to kill him more.

"Can we buy choco-"

" _No!_ " I wanted to kill him  _right now_ , this very second, in this store. I could drag him behind the meat counter and use their knives. Then I could probably make it to the front of the store before any security showed up. I mean, how much security does a grocery store have, anyway? What am I going to do,  _steal bread_?

"I didn't intend it for sexual purposes," Reid interrupted my murderous thoughts. I shot him an angry look, but my urge to kill faded a little. Besides, killing him in public would be stupid. I would go to jail for sure.

"Uh, then yes," I amended. "But you have to promise it's for purely nutritional purposes." I calmed a little more. I really didn't want to go to prison. I would be someone's bitch and get raped in the showers... Not that Reid wouldn't do that sooner or later anyway. Reid was better looking than most jailbirds, though. He had all his teeth.

He covered his heart with one hand in a sincere gesture. "I promise I will eat all of it."

I shrugged. "Then grab some Junior Mints while you're at it," I commented and watched him go. He was singing happily as he skipped away.

As I watched him disappear behind a display of coke cases, I realized that, for the first time in days, Reid had willingly left me alone. It was a great feeling and, because the chocolate was craftily hidden somewhere near the crackers in this store, I figured he wouldn't be back for at least three solid minutes. I decided to take advantage of this moment while it lasted.

So I made a run for it.

"Fucking  _ow_!"

…Only to be smothered by six feet something of red-haired perversion before I could even pass the deli counter. "Get the hell off me!" I screamed and squirmed out from under him.

"Sorry, honeybutt," he said with a sheepish grin. "I couldn't help myself."

"Whatever," I grumbled.

As we stood, up a skinny guy with an apron and the angriest expression I'd ever seen came up to us. He cleared his throat before saying, "Excuse me, sirs, but if you don't calm down, we're going to have to ask you to leave."

I tried to apologize, "Yeah, it's okay, don't—"

But of course Reid had to go and ruin everything.

" _What_?" Reid snapped around and got right in the clerk's face. I lowered my face to my hands, shaking my head in disgrace. This was not good. "That's so fucking unfair," he roared, and I took a few steps back. Up until then I had only seen the happy, cuddly, nutty stalker side of Reid, and after seeing his angry side I was very happy that I wasn't in that poor guy's shoes right then. "Grocery stores are for  _everyone_! Just because we're gay—"

I couldn't believe my ears. " _I'm_  not gay," I corrected loudly.

Reid nodded before continuing his verbal assault on the clerk. "Just because we're bi, doesn't mean you can feel free to kick us out! Maybe if we did something like—" he looked left and right and stopped when he noticed a lobster tank nearby, which he promptly flipped over onto a clueless bagboy "— _this_ , you may feel free to kick us out!"

Then the very predictable happened and we were promptly kicked out.

As we walked to the parking lot, I felt the enormous urge to hide from all the angry stares we were getting. Why didn't Reid just buy himself a glowing neon sign or something? Honestly, he didn't have to put me through this. "Dammit," I groused to no one in particular. "I didn't get my Junior Mints… Or my Klondike bar! I got screwed!"

"No, you didn't. Unfortunately." He gave me a lecherous look that told me he was back to his normal self again. I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up." I said, unlocking the car.

He sat himself in the passenger seat and tilted his head toward me. "Want to know what  _I'd_  do for a Klondike bar?"

"No." I didn't need him to tell me, it was pretty freaking obvious.

"I would start with—"

"I said  _no_!"

"Okay, well, then I would-"

"Shut up or I'll gag you!" Couldn't he take a hint? I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear  _anything_  from him if I could help it.

"With what? We're in a car." He sounded hopeful.

" _Not_  my tongue." His happiness visibly deflated as he sunk into his seat.

"I promise I'll be quiet if you do," he said, still executing the worst posture I'd ever seen.

I liked quiet. After all this time with Reid, I really needed more of it. Not to mention I had already made out with him once today, so one little kiss to buy his silence was definitely something I'd consider. "And afterwards?"

"I'm sure I'd keep quiet for at least ten minutes."

"Ten minutes?" My nose crinkled. That was hardly worth the trouble.

"Maybe I'll reconsider if you're good." I think he winked at me but I was keeping my eyes on the road.

Ten minutes equaled not worth it. He wasn't getting any more action anytime soon if I had anything to say about it. "I'm sure I'm good enough." I had kissed someone way before Reid, and she never said I was a bad kisser. Then again, we'd only gone out once.

"Don't believe you." He crossed his hands behind his head and smirked at me. "Prove it." I frowned and dimly thought that next time he should work on being a little more obvious with his setups.

"You'd just be getting what you want, fuckhead." I stopped at another red light.

Suddenly, Reid's hand darted out and grabbed hold of my chin. He turned my face to his and kissed me, making me gasp in surprise, so my mouth was open for this one. He didn't move until a car honked behind us. "I'd do that for a Klondike bar," he said, and finally released my chin.

If the light had still been red it probably would have matched my face. "Of course you would, whore!" I stomped my aggression into the gas pedal. Reid just relaxed back in his chair, looking very satisfied.

This time I couldn't help but think about what he'd done to me. I wiped my mouth in disgust. "Ugh, Reid spit!"

"Mm, Joel spit." He closed his eyes and licked his lips like the nasty whore he was. Stupid fucker…

"You shut up!" I said, pointing a finger at him like a child.

He looked  _way_  too smug. "Mmkay."

I stopped at a McDonald's before we went home and, to my surprise, Reid was silent the whole time. A tiny part of my brain was impressed that he'd at least kept his promise. Well, as impressed as I could be concerning something  _Reid_  had done, anyway.

We even ate in relative silence until we had to fight each other for the last few french fries, at this point he broke his vow of silence, when Ben and Josh finally decided to show up.

Then, after letting a potentially psychopathic stalker into my bed and leaving me alone with him all day without even an apology, they took one look at the trash and put on a pair of matching pouts, both aimed at me. "What the hell, you didn't get us any?" they asked, almost in unison. I swore, those two really freaked me out sometimes. They were a little to SamnEric-y for my tastes.

I frowned, glancing at Reid from the corner of my eyes. "Well, if  _someone_  hadn't gotten us kicked out of the grocery store, we would have food for everyone." I knew they'd be pissed as hell about that, but I already had my defense perfectly planned, and I was determined to make them hate Reid just as much as they suddenly seemed to hate me.

"You got kicked out of the grocery store?" Ben asked, one eyebrow lifted skeptically.

I sucked at my soda straw and came up empty. "Reid knocked over a lobster tank on some clerks," I explained while jamming my straw in at a different angle in hopes of one last sip.

Ben and Josh exchanged a look before they both turned back smiling. "Dude, Reid, you  _rock_!"

"What?" I sputtered, spilling the ice from my cup all over the table. I cursed mentally, knowing I'd have to clean it up later. Fuck. "How will we buy food?"

Josh shrugged. "There are always other grocery stores, man," he said, grinning. "But there are only so many times in your life when you can say you know the guy who dumped the lobster tank on the bagboy."

"Jesus…" I shook my head and pushed my hair behind my ears irritably. "You three are idiots," I said, and then stomped off to my room with the firm intent to ignore them for the rest of the evening.

I glanced at my mirror as I walked past my dresser and stopped to frown at my appearance. I needed a shower. My bangs were flattened awkwardly against my forehead, and the rest of the black chunks were sticking up at odd angles, probably from all the times Reid had tackled me that day. A few strands had managed to escape the mess and were hanging listlessly over my dark blue eyes.

"Fucking gross," I muttered, adjusting my glasses. I glanced at my door, remembering the last time I'd tried to shower with Reid here, and wasted no time in locking it and pushing the dresser up against the handle. Satisfied with my makeshift barricade, I made my way to the bathroom and showered.

Once I was finished, I slung a towel around my waist and walked back into my adjoining bedroom, assuming that it would be empty.

Dead wrong.

Reid was sitting on my bed, pretty as you please, with colorful beads spread all around him on the sheets. He had one eye closed and his tongue stuck out in concentration as he sorted through the beads and carefully slid them onto the string.

"What the  _hell_  are you doing in here?" I screamed and clutched my towel tighter. How the fuck did he get in?

"Making bracelets," he said, glancing up with little surprise at my outburst. He smiled, like always. "What do you want yours to say? It can't have an E in it, though, because I ran out of those a while ago."

"How about 'I hate you'?" I suggested venomously. Looking around the room, I noticed the open window and, with a defeated sigh, decided it wasn't worth the effort to yell at him. After all, it was my fault for not locking it. I should have known better…

He laughed, "Nope, that's got an E." He tapped his chin in thought. "How about 'I love Reid'?"

"That's got two E's, dumbass." Still holding my towel with one hand, I moved to my dresser and pulled open a drawer to get some boxers and a shirt.

"Oh yeah." He followed me with his eyes, and I shifted nervously. I tightened my grip on my towel self-consciously as he said, "How about 'I'm gay'?"

"I'm  _not_  gay," I hissed. I grabbed a random pair of boxers and an undershirt before slamming the drawer shut. I couldn't decided whether or not I wanted socks.

"Okay, 'I'm bi' it is, then." He dropped his hands to the beads once more, picking out the letters. I figured it was useless to argue with him, so, after eventually deciding that I did indeed want socks, I stepped back into the bathroom to change while he was busy searching.

"Where the hell did you get all these beads, anyway?" I asked when I was done. I sat down on the bed next to him to get a better look at the bracelet, noticing that he was putting rainbows between all the words.

"I went to a bead store, obviously," he said distractedly.

I reached my hand out to play with the beads that had rolled over to me when I sat down. "Did you at least buy some food while we were out?" I wondered.

"Kind of. That reminds me!" He quickly tied off the bracelet and, after snapping it onto my wrist and jumping off the bed, grabbed my arm and pulled me with him. "Come to the kitchen with me!"

"No thanks," I resisted, suspicious.

"Close your eyes," he said, leading me into the kitchen despite the way I dug my heels into the carpet. Dammit, I knew I shouldn't have worn socks. Less traction that way.

"No," I hissed. "Let go of me."

"Close 'em!" he insisted.

"No."

He sighed, "Stubborn. You're no fun." He let go of my arm to cover my eyes with one hand, the other steering me through the room."Surprise!" he said, and he opened what sounded like the freezer door. A rush of freezing air hit me in the face, making me take a step back.

"It's cold." I muttered.

He chuckled. "And delicious." Then he removed his hand and I was greeted by a full box of Klondike bars sitting in the middle of my freezer.

I couldn't resist a warm smile as I reached for one, unwrapping it with great care. "Thanks," I said, and sat on the counter while I ate it.

Reid grabbed a chair and turned it around, sitting backwards in it so he could stare at me while I ate. He broke the silence with his usual brashness. "What do you say to a party tomorrow night?"

I almost choked. "With you?"

A grin crossed his lips. "No, with my father," he sang.

I almost laughed. "I'm Roger," I sang back.

Suddenly, his face lost all his mirth, and he lowered his eyes to the floor. "Actually, no. That's the name of my uncle who died the other day." He shifted, pulling out the stack of letters from earlier out of his back pocket, and handed me the top one. I blinked as I took it.

"What is this?" I asked, opening it.

He shrugged. "Letter from my aunt. I just got it today."

"I figured," I mumbled. I scanned the letter briefly. "When did you have time to read this?"

"While you were in the shower."

"Oh." I stared at the letter, not knowing what else to say. I was bad with people. "So…"

"So…" He brightened considerably. "We're going to his funeral tomorrow!"

" _What_?" I choked. "Didn't you just invite me to a party?"

His eyes glittered as he grinned. "Well, I'm Irish, and our funerals are pretty much parties, so yes."

I slapped my forehead with the palm of my hand. "Reid, I am  _not_  going to a funeral with you," I told him slowly. He turned those damn puppy eyes on me again, and I felt resolve begin to fade. Where the hell had he learned to do that, anyway?

"Please?" he begged, tugging at my sleeve. "I bought you Klondike bars," he reminded me.

I sighed, knowing I was defeated. "Fine."

"Yes!" And he threw his arms around me, pulling me up against his chest for a hug. "Thanks, Joel." He bent his head to kiss me, but I caught his face with my hands before he had a chance.

"Whatever," I muttered, and privately wondered how the hell I kept getting myself into these situations.


	4. Chapter 4

With the unhappy prospects of both work and a funeral looming over my head, I decided to call it a night and go to bed early. Reid was easily distracted by the box of Klondike bars, so I made my retreat back to my room while he was suffering a brain freeze. I immediately locked my door and window before turning my attention to the dresser. It had taken us a while to move it so he could get me into the kitchen originally, and it took me even longer solo, but I figured it was worth it if I could survive just one night without Reid.

My hair was still damp from my shower, so I grabbed a towel and rubbed at it furiously while picking out my clothes for tomorrow. I figured I didn't have to dress too nicely, considering the fact that it wasn't even at a funeral home, but I didn't want to look like a complete retard in front of a bunch of strangers, and it had to be work appropriate unless I wanted Reid to bring me clothes when he picked me up…

Yeah, right, I thought with a little laugh. If he had things his way, he wouldn't bring me any clothes at all.

I eventually decided on a pair of old black slacks and a formal black sweater and, after tossing the towel into the corner, set them on my chair for the morning. I'd already brushed my teeth when I showered, so I folded the covers back and climbed into my surprisingly cold bed. My glasses were placed carefully on the bedside table.

I hit my pillow a few times in an effort to get comfortable before I switched off the light. I stared at the ceiling in silence for a few minutes before I realized what was missing.

Hadn't Reid come after me yet?

I slid out of bed and tiptoed to my dresser. Kneeling on it, I pressed my ear against the door, but I couldn't hear any breathing on the other side. I thought I could hear the dim voices of Ben and Josh from one of the other rooms, but that was all.

I sank back to sit on my heels, dumbfounded. Had he finally gotten the picture and left? Or was he sneaking around back to climb in through my window again?

That was probably it. That sneaky bastard…

I spun around to glare at my window, sure he'd be there, but there was nothing. I let out the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding and jumped off the dresser, landing with a soft thump on the carpet, and got back in bed. It was still cold, and I curled up on my side as I closed my eyes, wondering why that bothered me so much.

It took me a long time to fall asleep that night.

The sound of my alarm sent me flailing out of bed the next morning, whimpering for my clock to please knock off that terrible racket. On reflex, I looked over my shoulder to yell at Reid, but he wasn't there. I picked up my glasses and put them on, glancing around the room again, just to make sure I hadn't missed him.

Nope, still not there.

I bit my lip in thought. That's weird. Usually he's found a way in by now.

Shrugging it off, I picked up my clothes and stumbled into the bathroom; after all, this was what I wanted. Brushed my teeth, washed my face, combed my hair… made myself presentable to the living. I pulled on the funeral clothes and strode back into my room, opening the window to check the temperature.

Cold air blew onto my face, making my eyes water, and I pulled back in surprise. "It's fucking freezing!" I yelped and slammed the window shut as fast as I could, shivering. I hated cold weather. Thankfully, I had a long striped scarf stashed in my closet, which I promptly located and wrapped around my neck. Turned out I really didn't need it, as I exerted enough energy moving the dresser away from the door to keep me warm for the next few hours, but that was okay. At least I wasn't cold.

I unlocked my door, swung it open, and took a step out.

…Directly onto a large, frazzled mess of orange and green.

"Ow!"

Reid.

"What the hell are you doing?" I snapped, staring at him venomously, ignoring any feelings of relief I might have felt. I focused on my anger and irritation at his ridiculous habits. Honestly, who the hell slept on floors? Was there anything normal about this boy?

"Um…" He sat up, pushing his wild red hair away from his eyes, and spared me an apologetic smile. "Well, I was trying to pick your lock for a while, but apparently I'm not very good at it."

I did a double take. "Excuse me?"

He shrugged and stood up, rubbing his elbow awkwardly as he stretched. "I guess I just fell asleep out here."

I shook my head. "That's… weird. Just weird. That's all I have to say." And I pushed past him to get to the kitchen, where Ben and Josh were sitting at the breakfast table, reviewing various class notes from their lectures. Silly college boys. I was so glad to be done with that bullshit. Not that the 'real world' was turning out that much better.

Ben noticed me first. "Hey, look!"

I glanced behind me. "Huh?"

"You!" he said, gray eyes brightening with mischief. "It's been a while."

"The fuck are you talking about?"

Josh looked up, too, and burst into laughter as soon as he saw me. I shifted my weight, frowning.

"The hell is wrong with you guys?" I grumbled.

Reid came up behind me, then, resting his chin on my shoulder, and gave them a questioning look. "What's up, guys?"

Finally Josh gained control over his laughter and raised a finger to point at me. "It's just like old times, when he was emo!"

"And straight," Ben cackled.

I bristled at that. "I'll have you know that I'm still straight, and I was never emo. I looked good in black, okay?"

"Aw!" Reid's hands left my shoulders, instead placing them around my waist to pull me flush against his chest for a hug. He nuzzled my neck and said, "Don't cry little emo kid!"

I shook him off, scowling. "Don't make fun of me if you want to hit on me."

"Are you giving me permission to hit on you?" He raised his eyebrows, grinning.

"What?" I felt my cheeks grow hot, and I knew I was blushing again. I looked away from them in embarrassment. "No, of course not!"

"Come on, Joel, you don't have to pretend in front of us."

"Fuck you, Ben," I snapped without looking. They laughed, and I glanced back, puzzled and annoyed. "What?"

"Actually, that was Josh," Ben giggled. Josh nodded, pushing his dirty blonde hair behind his ears.

"I think his scarf is on too tight," he added.

"It's cold, stupid! That's why I'm wearing a scarf! Is that okay with you?"

The blonde pointed at me, smirking. "Yeah, but that doesn't explain the thick emo glasses."

"I'm fucking blind, and I can't wear contacts," I grumbled.

"Why not?" Reid asked from behind me.

"My eyes are sensitive."

Ben laughed, "Dude, you are so gay."

"Yeah, and what about the black clothes?" Josh pointed out.

I adjusted my sweater self-consciously. "I'm going to a funeral, dumbasses."

His brown eyes widened comically at that. "You're going to a funeral?"

"Who died?" Ben asked.

"Our akita, Evita," Reid sang. I slammed my palm against my forehead irritably.

"Enough with the Rent," I mumbled, seating myself at the table. "I need breakfast."

"I'll make you breakfast!" he said immediately.

"Yeah, Reid's actually a good cook."

"He made me waffles," Josh added.

"Wait, he made you waffles? All I got was cold cereal!"

"Well, yeah. Where were you?"

"In the bathroom, remember? I had to shower last because you locked me out."

"Well, that's because you were acting like a baby," Josh said, smirking. Ben blushed and ducked his head.

The brunette broke the silence eventually. "…Have you ever noticed that you start a lot of sentences with well?"

Josh blinked. "…Not until just now. Thanks."

"You're welcome." And they both smiled each other and got up from the table in unison, gathering their books and leaving the kitchen.

Those two are so fucking weird, I thought.

"Um… anyway. I'm not feeling very hungry all of a sudden, so—" I stood and reached into my pocket for my keys and paled, realizing they weren't there. "Where the fuck are my keys?" I narrowed my eyes at Reid.

He shrugged, smiling, and pulled them out of his pocket. Of course he had them. Sneaky bastard…

"I'll drive you," he said sweetly.

I stubbornly folded my arms across my chest. "Not on your life."

"But I have to pick you up afterwards," he reasoned, still smiling, and inched closer to me.

"Can't I just drive back?"

"Nope, you're already dressed, and you don't know how to get there."

I rolled my eyes. "Reid, there's only one funeral home in the area."

He grinned predatorily, and I knew from the look on his face that I'd lost the argument. "It's not at a funeral home."

"Fucking…" I threw up my hands. "Fine, you can drive me. But no Nascar turns!"

"No Nascar turns," he agreed, grabbing my hands, and pulled me outside to the car. "Hurry up, emo kid. If you want me to drive well, you're going to be late."

"Whatever." I burrowed into my scarf and sat in the passenger seat, glaring at the passing scenery until we arrived at the bookstore. He leaned over and kissed my cheek as I opened the door, and I repaid him by flipping him off as he drove away.

Work was hell. There was just no other way to describe it. I stood behind the counter most of the time trying to hide from moronic customers, but they always found me and somehow managed to come up with news questions even dumber than the last. Some woman was looking for a Super Diaper Baby book, but forgot the words 'diaper' and 'baby' and substituted 'man,' then got fucking pissed when I gave her a Superman comic. What the fuck was wrong with people, anyway? Who goes shopping for someone without writing down any information about the book they want?

Christ, I hated people. The only way this day could have possibly gotten worse was if Nelson the Destroyer, the fat pervert from the cell phone shop next door came by…

"Hey there!" Someone snapped my bracelet playfully – fuck, I can't believe I forgot to take that off! – and I whirled around to face a short, fat college kid with short brown hair and reptilian eyes, also known as Nelson. Speak of the fucking devil…

Well, at least it wasn't Reid.

"Hi, Nelson," I ground out through clenched teeth. "I didn't see you there."

He shrugged, tossing a magazine facedown onto the counter. I didn't have to look at it to know what it was. People like Nelson only bought one thing, and that was porn. "Most people don't," he said. "I'm sneaky like that."

I rolled my eyes, privately wondering how the hell anyone could miss a fat monstrosity like him, but wisely decided not to voice my thoughts. "Yes, I see," I mumbled. "So, how can I help you?"

"I want to buy a book," he said, nodding to the magazine on the counter.

"That's a magazine," I pointed out.

"Well, to buy a magazine," he amended, and pushed it closer to me. I sighed, picking it up, and flipped it over to scan the ISBN. I glanced down for a moment and promptly lost all the color in my face. Those were… two… guys?

I looked up at Nelson, frowning as I felt my cheeks fill with blood. I was used to guys like him buying normal porn, lesbian porn, and animal porn…but gay porn? And Nelson was such a ridiculously obvious pervert, certainly he hadn't meant to…

I cleared my throat cautiously, tipping the cover so he could see it. "Um, I think you meant to buy Playboy, Nelson."

"What? No."

I raised my eyebrow suspiciously. "Are you…sure?"

"Yeah. Didn't you know?"

"Know what?"

"That I'm…" He looked at my bracelet pointedly.

"Oh." I blushed harder, muttering under my breath as I scanned the magazine, "Fuck, not another one."

"Excuse me?" Nelson asked.

"Nothing." I finished the transaction on autopilot and practically threw the bag at him. "Have a nice day."

"What? I'm not going anywhere." He smiled at my confused expression and tapped the thick watch on his wrist. "I'm on break," he elaborated.

"Oh," I said softly, slumping against the counter, and looked around anxiously for something to distract myself with. Couldn't he hit on one of my female coworkers? I was going to kill Reid for making me that bracelet, right before I shot myself for not remembering to take it off…

"Yeah. So." He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, and I twitched at all the unnecessary functions. Stupid Wireless4U workers…

"So what?" I grumbled.

"So…" He held it in front of his face, and I blinked as it made an unexpected camera noise. "Isn't this cool?" he asked.

"Did you just take a picture of me?" I asked in partial disbelief.

"Yeah!" He twisted the phone around so I could see. I frowned at the fuzzy picture of myself. I did look kind of emo…

"Delete those now," I snapped.

"Why? I was gonna send them to—"

I cut him off with a low growl, "Delete those now."

"I don't know what you're getting so upset about." He waved it off, replacing the phone in his pocket, which I eyed distrustfully. I'd have to sneak over some other time and steal it from him…maybe I'd accidentally drop it in the trash compactor, or a puddle…

He interrupted my thoughts by asking, "What was your name again?"

"Martin," I said on reflex, slapping my hand over my nametag. It wasn't my problem if he was too dumb to read it before, and there was no way I was giving this creep my real name. I looked up in relief as my manager walked over, brushing her strawberry blonde hair out of her eyes with a smile.

"How's it going, Joel?" she asked, putting a hand on my shoulder and giving it a motherly squeeze. Nelson shot me an offended look, and I paled again, knowing my cover was blown.

"…I hate you all," I sighed.

"Chin up," my manager said with a grin. "Your shift's over in about three minutes."

That sure cheered me up fast. "Really?"

"Yeah. And I think there's a gentleman waiting for you at the front of the store." She winked at me.

"What?" I spun on my heel in surprise, my eyes immediately straying to Reid as he walked over to us. He was wearing a black suit and striped tie, his hair neatly combed, which was a sharp contrast to the unmanageable mess it usually was, and I couldn't help noticing that he actually looked nice for once.

"Hey, honeybutt!" he called, and any relief I might have felt dissolved into anger. I heard my manager smother a giggle, and Nelson turned to me with an amused expression on his chubby face.

"Honeybutt?" he questioned.

"Err… yes." I ignored the heat in my cheeks and waved to Reid instead. Since he was here, I might as well use him as an excuse to get the fuck away from Nelson. "Hey, how are— what the hell happened to your neck?"

"I got in a fight with a puppy," he said happily, his hand immediately flying up to touch a suspicious-looking bruise. I narrowed my eyes.

"No, really. What happened?" I stalked out from behind the counter and grabbed his hand, ripping his hand away to reveal the circle-shaped mark. "Bump into a guy on the way here or something?"

He shook his head frantically. "No, really, there was this puppy at the pet store downstairs, and it bit me on the neck—"

"Shove off, Reid," I spat. "I know a hickey when I see one."

"Oooh, I just love couples' fights," I heard Nelson utter from behind us, followed soon by the sound of his camera phone. I clenched my jaw in anger.

My manager must have sensed this, because she quickly took Nelson by the arm and began escorting him out of the shop. "Okay, Nelson, time to go," she said cheerfully. He muttered a protest, but I wasn't really listening. I was more interested in Reid.

"It's not a hickey," he defended himself, pouting. "A puppy really bit my neck!"

I wasn't buying it, of course. I crossed my arms and snorted, "If by 'puppy' you mean 'some other guy's mouth,' then yeah."

"Joel, I'm being completely honest," he whined, reaching for my waist, but I jerked away irritably.

"Whatever. My shift's up." I turned away coldly and stomped to the back room. He followed me while I signed out and gathered my scarf, and I pinned him with a venomous look just before we left. "And just so you know, you're stalking me exclusively."

For some reason, that brought a smile to his face, and he wrapped my arm around my waist and burrowed his nose against the junction between my neck and shoulder. What was it with Reid and my neck, anyway? I tried to push him away, but not before I felt rather than heard him say the words, "Whatever you say, Joel."

I straightened my clothes huffily, shooting him an angry look as we walked to the car. "God, you're such a moron. Can't you tell I'm pissed?"

He was grinning. "Are you jealous?"

"What the fuck? No!" I slammed the door and buckled my seatbelt. He tried to touch my arm after he started the car, but I slapped him away.

He laughed, "You're really cute when you're angry."

"Just fucking drive," I muttered, and focused very hard on staring straight ahead the entire way to the funeral.

I was mildly surprised when Reid stopped the car in front of an ordinary-looking house, and I turned to him questioningly. He only smiled and nodded his head to a pair of redheads already running out the front door.

Oh, right. Redheads. Must be related to Reid.

I slowly climbed out of the car, watching them approach with a curious kind of amusement. There was a definite family resemblance.

"Reid!" the woman shouted, launching herself into Reid's arms. She hugged him tightly before pulling back, looking at me, and hugging him again. "You finally got a boyfriend?" she asked excitedly.

"No—" I tried to say, but Reid cut me off.

"Yep!" He grinned, winking at me. "His name's Joel."

The woman finally pulled herself away from Reid, and her taller, male companion began talking to him. She bustled over to me, reaching out for a hug, but I quickly took two steps back. She gave me a somewhat offended look but otherwise seemed to get over it quickly enough.

"Nice to meet you, Joel!" she said, smiling. She had Reid's smile. Were all redheads crazy? "Welcome to the family!"

I blushed furiously at that. "Wait, the family? I'm not—"

She interrupted me, "Say, you wouldn't happen to be Catholic, would you?"

"Um, no." I blinked. "I'm Jewish, actually."

"Oh." She paused, blinking her green eyes rapidly at me. "…Well, have you found Jesus?"

I almost laughed out loud at that. "No, not really. That's why I'm Jewish."

"Oh." She sighed, patting my shoulder. "Too bad, really. You would have been the perfect nephew in law," she said, then turned to retreat inside. I glanced at Reid, who had just finished talking to the man from before, and raised my eyebrows.

"…Aren't Catholics supposed to be homophobic bastards?" I asked, half-joking.

He just shrugged. "My family's special. Come on, let's get some drinks!" And he linked his arm through mine and pulled me inside the house. There was violin music coming from speakers somewhere, and most the people inside – almost all redheads – were either dancing, drinking, or laughing. They looked happy. Reid had already acquired beer from somewhere and was offering me one, but I shook my head.

"No thanks," I said softly, faintly suspicious about what kind of drinks a pervert like Reid would give me, and suddenly all eyes were on me. I shrank back against Reid, feeling like I'd just admitted to not eating meat in the middle of a giant Greek family.

"Oooh, bad move, Joel," Reid hissed against my neck, making me jump. That fucking tickled.

"What?" I snapped back at him.

"You don't like drinking?" the woman from before asked in disbelief.

"Somebody get this boy a beer!" a man yelled.

"I've got some Jack Daniels, does that work?" a middle-aged woman said, and I was drawn to her by the simple reason that she had dark hair and blue eyes. What was the name for that—black Irish? She was different, anyway, and she looked nicer than some of the other nut jobs around here. Since she didn't have red hair, I figured she had to be at least a little saner than the rest of them. I was about to accept her offer, planning to dump it in a plant later, but someone interrupted me.

"No, Maggie," a random relative said, waving her off, "you keep that for yourself. I'll go get the other cooler from the car."

The other cooler? How many coolers did they have?

"Uh…" I almost went to clutch Reid for protection, but thankfully I realized what I was doing first, and I looked at the dark-haired woman instead in hopes that she'd save me.

She smiled at me. "Can I offer you some snacks while you wait?" she asked.

"Sure, I guess," I said, shrugging. "What was your name, again?"

"Maggie," she said, distracted. She had pushed her drink at Reid and was already bustling towards the kitchen. "I have to warn you, though," she called over her shoulder, "you can only use one plate between the two of you. The dishwasher's full."

I looked at Reid, raising my eyebrows. "She's certainly interesting."

He laughed, "She's probably getting you potatoes."

"Your family is ridiculous."

"I know. I love them, though." He grabbed my arm again. "Want to see my uncle?"

"The dead one?" I crinkled my nose. "Not really."

"No, my other one! I've got seven."

I choked, "Seven?"

"Well, we're Irish Catholic." He smirked. "What did you expect?"

I shook my head. "I don't know, not this."

"Well, get used to it. They think you're family now."

I scowled at that reminder. "Yeah, no thanks to you."

"At least they're not trying to convert you."

"True."

"Which reminds me. You're Jewish?"

I shrugged. "Yeah."

"So you like… don't eat pork and stuff?"

That made me roll my eyes. "No, I do."

"So you're not really Jewish?"

"Well, my nose is kind of big." I poked it as evidence.

"I think it's cute," he said, smiling as he covered my hand with his. I shook it off immediately, coughing to hide my embarrassment.

"Um, yeah. Anyway." I gestured awkwardly to the other room. "Don't you want to go see your uncle?"

"Which one?"

I almost laughed, but quickly reminded myself I was at a funeral, in theory. "The dead one."

"Not really. It's his body, but it's not him." He grinned. "And also, I'm not much for dead bodies."

"Same." I looked around boredly. "Wanna go eat a lot and watch people get drunk?"

"Sure. But I'll probably be getting drunk with the best of them." He took a drink of the Jack Daniels that Maggie had passed him to demonstrate this fact.

"…That kind of scares me, but at least you won't be driving home."

He raised his eyebrows. "I won't be?"

"…Are you drunk right now?" I gave him an odd look. Of course he wasn't going to drive home; he'd be drunk.

"No, no, no. It's just that I definitely stand a better chance of not getting hammered than you do. It's simply a matter of heritage." As he said this, a passerby handed me two beers, and I stared at them dumbly. "See?" He grinned.

"What? No way!" I shook my head, setting one of the cans on the nearest piece of furniture, and opened the other. "You're a teetotaller if I ever saw one."

"Oh, so the Yankee Jew-boy thinks he can hold his drinks better than me?"

"Yeah." I took a drink, grimacing at the taste, but otherwise standing firm. Who the fuck did he think he was, anyway? I was determined.

"All right, then. I hereby challenge you to a drinking contest."

"I accept," I said, and we clinked our drinks together. Well, not exactly clinked, as his was a bottle and mine was a can, but you get the idea.

All in all, it was probably number two on the list of Dumbest Things I've Ever Done in My Life. (Number one was taking Reid home with me.)

We'd found a semi-secluded corner of the room, dragged a table over, and hoarded as much booze as we could find, which wasn't hard, given the circumstances. Then we knocked back as many drinks as we could stomach, which brought us to my current state.

I was stretched out underneath a table with only my legs sticking out, and Reid was sitting in a chair somewhere to my right, laughing and talking to everyone that walked by.

"Heyyy, Aunt Maggie! You sure look pretty tonight."

I perked at the mention of her, remembering vaguely that she was nice and had offered me food. Although, I'd never actually gotten any… I lifted my head to voice this, but it suddenly felt ridiculously heavy, so I let it bounce back against the hardwood floor with a dull thud.

She sighed, "Oh, for heaven's sake, Reid, look at you! I thought you knew how to hold your liquor better than that."

He giggled. "I do. All of these're mine…" He kicked a few bottles somewhere near my head, and I shifted in annoyance.

"Quit it," I mumbled, but I was too quiet to hear.

"Oh!" She sounded surprised." Well, that's different. You've done an Irish family proud." There was a pause, and I lifted my head slightly to see her feet shuffling around. "…Where's your boyfriend?"

"Under here," he said, then giggled and nudged my feet with his. A few moments later, Maggie's head appeared under the table, and she sighed gustily while looking between the two of us.

"Well, it seems like you're in no condition to drive home." She stood, and I heard her dust her hands off. "What do you say to crashing at my house for the night?"

"Yeah!" Reid almost fell of his chair in his attempt to hug her. "You make awesome food, Auntie."

"I know, dear." She patted his head, lifting the tablecloth to look at me again. "Now, help me carry your boyfriend to the car."

"I can walk," I protested, worming myself out from under the table. I tried to stand, but I fell on my ass, much to Reid's amusement. I scowled, but said nothing else as Maggie gently took my arms and helped me to my feet.

"Take the other side," Maggie told him, and together we made it to her car. She put us in the back, and Reid wasted no time in cuddling my side affectionately and otherwise entangling himself with me. I knew I should push him away, but I was suddenly too tired to care, and I almost immediately fell asleep with my cheek against the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned this story was heavily, heavily based on my real life in high school? Good golly I was a weirdo.


	5. Chapter 5

The first thing I saw the next morning when I opened my eyes was Reid, mere inches away from me and smiling like an idiot. "Good morning," he sang.

My head ached, and I took great care to keep my face angled away from the sunlight. I grumbled some unintelligible response and slowly, gingerly raised my hands to touch my pounding temples.

He laughed. "What, no hello?"

The sound of his voice made my head pound, and I whimpered as I covered my ears with a pillow. I heard the muffled sound of his laughter and soon felt his fingertips rubbing slow, soothing circles over my temples. I lifted my gaze to him, mouth open to yell, but a sudden pain in the back of my head made me reconsider. Given the current state of my head, yelling was definitely not a good decision. I saw Reid's lips move and lifted a corner of the pillow to hear him.

"What is it?" I grumbled.

He laughed, dipping his head to place his mouth directly next to my ear, and asked softly, "Did you know you drool in your sleep?"

"Mphh…" I jerked my head away in annoyance at the way his breath tickled my neck. "What are you talking about?"

"You drool." He looked immensely amused by this.

My hand was halfway to pushing him away when I suddenly realized the situation I was in. "Wait a minute— Reid?" I jumped to a sitting position, wincing at the ache in my head, but somehow ignored it in favor of my anger. "What the hell are you doing in my bed?"

He propped himself up on his elbow, pushing his hair away from his eyes. "Sleeping," he drawled with a lazy smile. "But it's not your bed, it's my cousin Shannon's."

I hesitated as a swarm of muddled memories descended upon my throbbing head, too overwhelmed to sort through them. I vaguely recalled one of his relatives packing me in a backseat with Reid so assumed I'd gone home with her. But as for his cousin Shannon… "I'm not even gonna ask," I decided eventually. I changed the subject, "Why does my head hurt so much?"

Reid grinned broadly at that. "You made the mistake of challenging me to a drinking contest."

"So why doesn't your head hurt?" I asked, glaring suspiciously.

He tapped a strand of bright orange hair mysteriously. "Irish remedies."

My eyebrows bent in frustration. "So why can't I have one?"

"Family secret," he said.

"Fuck you." I grasped a few strands of his hair, pulling him closer in what I hoped was a threatening gesture. "What happened to me being like family now?"

His eyes lit up despite the obvious pain I should have been causing. "Ohh, so you're agreeing to it?"

"Fuck no." I let go of his hair.

He tossed himself onto his back and relaxed, closing his eyes to block out the sunlight pouring onto his face. "Then no remedy for you," he said with a grin.

"You're ridiculous." I watched him angrily. Here was the one time I actually needed something from him and he was too busy being an ass. I flopped onto my back with a disgruntled sigh and covered my aching head with my hands. I felt disgusting. "I need to shower."

Reid laughed. "Okay." I felt the mattress shift as he rolled towards me, tugging at the pillow under my head. "Make sure you give Maggie this pillow cover to wash first. It's all spitty."

I scowled. "Look, man, I definitely do not drool—" Reid interrupting me by quickly ripping the pillow out from under me and holding it in front of my face. Pain. My head bounced against the mattress, making it ache even worse, and I was about to yell at him when I noticed the giant wet spot on the pillow. I wrinkled my nose. "That's kind of gross," I said.

"Not really." He actually touched the thing to his face. "I like your spit, remember?" And he grinned, setting aside the pillow as he leaned closer to me, probably with the intent of a kiss.

I put my hand over his face to push him away. "Then you take care of it," I said hurriedly, and jumped out of bed to avoid him. I changed the subject as quickly as possible. "Will you tell me where the shower is?"

"If you leave the door open," he said with a grin.

I seriously hoped he was afraid of the look I was giving him.

"Okay." His smile lessened slightly, and he tilted his head to the side in what I hoped was defeat. "I'll settle for a kiss."

Scarier glare.

"I'm kidding," he said finally, rolling his eyes, and scooted out of bed, dragging me behind him. "This way." He put one hand flat against my back and steered me out of the room. His hand moved to curl fondly around my waist as we walked down the hall. "Here you are," he said, stopping in front of an open door.

He walked into the narrow room in front of me. "Thanks," I said tentatively.

Reid stepped over to the shower and pulled back the glass door. "It's temperamental, so I'll set it up for you." He banged his fist against the faucet until water started coming out, trickling at first until it built up into a steady, pressured stream. He twisted a knob underneath it until steam started filling up the room. He laughed a little bit as he turned his head to look at me over his shoulder. "Like it hot?"

I think I blushed. Before I could answer he grabbed my arm and rolled up my sleeve, guiding my hand under the water.

"That okay?" he asked.

"…Yeah," I responded, slightly surprised. It was perfect, actually.

"Okay, cool." His hand lingered on mine before eventually letting go. "If you need it hotter try and turn it this way," he demonstrated this, "but if you want colder, you to bang it down." He pointed to the knob in question. "It's complicated, but I spent the summer here once, so if you're really lost just give me a call." He winked at me lecherously and immediately lost any charm I thought he might have once had.

"I think I can handle it," I said, feeling embarrassed again.

"I'll leave it to you, then." His lips brushed my cheek lightly as he slipped past me, waving before he exited and shut the door firmly behind him.

I had just started pulling off my clothes when the door popped open again and Reid came back in.

"I forgot to tell you where the towels are." He paused, grinning like a madman, and pointed to cabinets under the sink. "They're right there."

I scowled and threw my shirt at him in annoyance. "You did that on purpose," I accused.

"Not entirely," he admitted, smiling. "This is just an added bonus." He waved the shirt at me and I snatched it away quickly.

"Fuck you," I said, and slammed the door in his face, making sure to lock it this time. I heard him knock playfully a couple times while I was under the water and my eyes kept darting back to the door, worried that he'd found a screwdriver or something to pick the lock. He made me so fucking nervous all the time. As a result, I had gotten good at fast showers and was dressed and clean in less than ten minutes. I left the bracelet Reid had given me in my pocket and hoped he didn't notice.

There was no possible way to know my way around his relative's house, so I wandered around aimlessly until I found Reid, stretched out on his stomach across a couch. He jumped into a sitting position when he heard me come into the room, eyes bright. "So, do you have to work today?" he asked happily, never one to miss a beat.

"Nope. Kenya gave me the day off." I sat down on the couch next to him.

"…Kenya as in the country?" He blinked his big green eyes curiously at me.

"Kenya as in my manager," I said with a laugh.

"That's kind of crazy."

I snorted rudely. "You're one to talk."

"Too true," he said, scooting closer to me. "I'm hungry. We should find some food or something."

In turn, I moved away from him. "Where are we, anyway?"

"My Aunt Maggie's house." He shifted towards me again.

"I don't remember her." I took my turn in his game, blinking with surprise as I encountered resistance. Looking behind me, I realized with annoyance that I had reached the end of the couch.

With nowhere to escape, I was trapped for his turn, and soon enough he was leaning over me with that predatory grin I'd come to accustomed to during the past few days. "Not surprising." He nudged his nose against mine, and kept talking with his mouth posed just over mine. "You passed out last night."

"Oh, yeah." I choked, pressing desperately against the pillows to put at least a few inches between us for breathing space. "How'd we get here?"

Reid never missed a beat in this stupid game. He dipped his head and tickled my neck with his mouth. "She drove us," he said between kisses. "She's taking us back to get the car after lunch."

"Wait a minute." I pushed him away, red as tomato and pissed like nobody's business "What do you mean, lunch? We haven't even had breakfast yet."

"Well, duh." He stretched against my hold, trying to cuddle closer to me. "You can't expect to get smashing drunk and wake up any time before noon. Therefore, it's lunch time"

"Shut up." I gave him a final shove that sent him tumbling back to his own space. "What time is it now?"

He glanced at his watch somewhat absently. "Around one. Why?"

"Do you think Ben and Josh have starved to death yet?"

He laughed, "Probably. But since when have you ever cared?"

"…Good point." I felt my stomach beg me for food in a loud tremble. "Let's go eat, then."

Reid just smiled, took my hand, and led me into the kitchen the next room over. He opened the refrigerator and stooped, rummaging through Tupperware containers with enthusiasm. "Maggie is the best cook in the family," he explained. "Even her leftovers are amazing."

"Whatever." I groaned at the return of my headache and plopped into a seat at the table. "Anything is good, so long as I don't throw it up."

I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder briefly and looked up as Reid reached around me to set down a glass of water, two white pills placed neatly next to it. "See if this helps," he murmured, and kissed my head affectionately.

I tried to push him away, but he had already left, and I caught nothing but air in an idle swipe. I glared at his retreating back before swallowing the pills and water in one quick gulp. "Tell me again. How are we getting home?" I asked.

"I talked to Maggie earlier." He shoved a plateful of food into the microwave. "She said that she would drop in—" he looked down at his watch again "—any minute now to drive us back to the car." The microwave beeped and he turned to pull out the plate to set down in front of me. "Sound good to you, honeybutt?"

I muttered to myself and took the fork he handed to me. "What does that mean anyway?"

"What?" He blinked.

"Honeybutt," I clarified, and I twisted around to talk to him better while he fixed himself some food. "Where the hell did you come up with that?"

He laughed mischievously, winking flirtatiously. "Oh, I think you know."

I paused, waiting for a little more explanation and getting none. A sudden thought struck me and I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. "I am never using honey for lube," I told him stonily.

He laughed. A lot. "Whatever you say, honeybutt," he said, sitting down with his food next to me, and leaned over to give me another quick kiss on the cheek.

I was ready to stab him with my fork when his aunt popped in cheerfully. "How's everybody feeling this morning?" she asked loudly.

An embarrassing moan came escaped from my lips and I held my head, my brain flexing against my skull at the sound of her voice. Reid just smiled. "Fantastic, actually. Thanks for letting us stay, auntie."

She looked extremely pleased at that and patted Reid's head in a motherly fashion. "Good. We'll leave whenever you're ready—" something in the next room caught her eye, and she stilled, pursing her lips. "Actually…" She turned back to us, pinning Reid with a sweet smile. "Reid, dear, would you mind doing me a favor?"

He swiveled in his chair to face her, one eyebrow raised curiously. "Yeah. What do you need?"

"Would you mind helping me move some furniture?" She smiled at his confused expression. "I really want to move that old couch, but your uncle threw out his back last week, and since you're here…" She trailed off, watching him hopefully.

"Of course!" I watched Reid push away his chair and was about to copy him when he braced my shoulder with his palm, pushing me back into his seat with a friendly smile. He whispered into my ear, "Relax, I got it", and followed his aunt into the room we'd occupied previously. His aunt directed where she wanted the furniture and Reid obediently followed her instructions with an easy smile, helping her twist the TV stand so that it would be visible from the couch's new position.

It looked heavy, and I absently thought that it was really nice of him to do that. It was weird, actually. I had always assumed he was kind of selfish, what with the way he would never listen to me or leave me alone. Maybe he was just faking for his family, or maybe he just acted differently around us. Or maybe I was being too harsh.

His aunt went upstairs for a minute to get something and Reid came back to the kitchen, dusting his hands off on his pants. He smiled at me. "Ready to go?"

"Uh, yeah." I shoved a couple extra bites of food into my mouth before wiping my face with a napkin and standing. His aunt really was a good cook.

She was a good driver, too. I wished Reid had inherited some of that. She drove us back to the house and dropped us off, where I gave in and allowed Reid to have the driver's seat, slumping next to him tiredly. He showed off his Nascar skills again while driving back home. It was undoubtedly much safer to drive myself under normal conditions, but I was suffering from the hangover from hell and didn't feel like arguing. Fuck safety and give some love to Advil and a day off work.

After locating my house key, which had somehow been stuffed inside my shoe, I unlocked the back door to avoid our obnoxiously loud doorbell and was extremely unhappy to hear Ben and Josh yelling at the TV instead. Watching Return of the King, no less. As far as I was concerned, it was the loudest movie I'd ever seen, and I wanted to destroy it. I stormed into the room, stopping only to throw my keys onto the kitchen table, and glared at them.

"Go home, Sam," Elijah Wood said from the television.

"No!" Ben screamed. "You go home Frodo!" He ducked his head, and I thought I heard a sniffle. "You go home..."

Josh's head immediately snapped in Ben's direction. "Are you crying?" he asked, an incredulous expression on his face.

Ben dragged a hand across his eyes weakly. "What a little emo bitch," he muttered, and I assumed he meant Frodo. Couldn't argue with him there.

"Are you kidding me?" Josh poked Ben in the side teasingly.

"No," he mumbled, and was about to start yelling at the movie again when I cleared my throat, finally drawing their attention to me and Reid.

"Oh!" They smiled and said in unison, "Hey, guys."

"Hi," I said grumpily, walking over to the coffee table to search for the remote to turn down the volume.

Josh soon returned to prodding Ben. "Are you seriously crying at Lord of the Rings?"

"No…" He paused at Josh's disbelieving look. "Yes. But …" He gestured widely at the screen. "Poor Sam!"

Ben's face crumpled as Sam left Frodo, perilously close to tears. Josh awkwardly crossed his arms and looked away. "It's okay, man," he said. "I cried in the book."

Ben slapped his thigh indignantly. "This didn't happen in the book."

Josh faltered, "No, like, when …everybody died."

"Oh. " Ben wiped his eyes again. "Me too."

"Jesus Christ." I threw up my hands at their discussion. "This is disgusting, I'm going to –"

Ben snapped out of his minor depression and turned to yell at me, as if he'd just remembered I was there. "By the way, Joel, your mom called."

Reid laughed while I recovered from Ben's sheer volume. "I get to meet your family right after you met mine!" He slung his arm around my shoulders, pulling me solidly against his side. "What a coincidence!"

"Coincidence?" I threw him off with a scowl. "Coincidences are what got me into this in the first place! I'm so fucking sick of coincidences!" I glared at him and stalked into my bedroom to prepare for the storm that was my mother. I had to clean, and I had to change, and God only knew how much time I had to do it.

Reid trailed behind me. "Let's call the existential detectives and find out what this coincidence means," he suggested.

"No!" I threw open my closet door angrily, pulling out the first non-black clothes I could see, and tugged off my jacket while shooting a scathing glare in the redhead's direction. "Enough with this fate bullshit! Huckabees was a fucking stupid movie, and we've got bigger things to worry about," I snapped.

Reid cocked his head to the side as if to ask, is there really something more important than me?

I growled at him, "I've got a hangover, I feel like shit, and my mom is coming over just in time to meet my new gay stalker!" I hurriedly starting changing my clothes while muttering to myself, "This could not be more perfect."

"You mean your boyfriend!" Ben and Josh corrected from the next room.

Okay, that was it.

I walked back over to them and put a threatening hand against the back of their necks, tightening my grip just enough to be painful. "If you say anything while she's here, I swear to God I will…." I trailed off, not really knowing what to say. I felt like an idiot. "I don't know what I'll do, but it will not be…fun." I released them, frowning, and turned to attempt to convince Reid.

"Okay, Reid." I licked my lips nervously. "Here's the deal. You're our new roommate, because we have extra space and more people means less money for rent, so—" I paused when he started walking away from me and grabbed his arm in a fit of panic, yanking him harshly back to attention. "Reid, listen to me! While my mom is here you can not be in the same room as me, or—"

He interrupted me, "Give me one second, honeybutt." And he pinched my nose playfully and walked away.

"Where are you going? Wait—!" I tore off after him, stopping just in time to see him open the front door as my mother was reaching to ring the doorbell.

I couldn't see all the details but I imagined he was hitting her with that winning smile of his. "Hi, Mrs. Joel's mom," he greeted her, and I saw him wave cheerfully. "You look nice today."

This was the end of the world as I knew it.

I pushed my way into the doorway, too nervous to say anything, but also too smart to just sit back and let Reid ruin things for me. Mom looked at up at him curiously. She was even shorter than I was, and Reid looked like a giant standing next to her. "Who're you?"

"My name's Reid, ma'am." He held out his hand for her to shake, which she accepted after a moment's hesitation. "Nice to meet you."

"…What're you doing here?" My mom was always so thoughtful, and did I mention how polite she was?

"I'm Joel's new roommate and—"

There was no way he was allowed to finish that sentence. "Mom! How are you doing? How's dad?" I pushed past Reid and hugged her.

"Joel!" She returned the hug happily, smiling at me for a few moments before she turned into the critic I was so accustomed to. "You're so thin, you should eat more!" She gripping my elbows, holding me at arm's length as she inspected me with a serious expression "This had better not be depression again…" She shook her head before slipping past me, wiping some dust off the furniture as she moved, left me to rummage through the kitchen.

She was such a drama queen. Emo and depressed were different. I sighed, "Mom, I was never depressed..."

I started to follow her into the kitchen to explain this to her again when Reid pulled me out of the doorway and whispered in my ear poutily, "How come you never hug me like that?"

"'Cause she's my mom dumbass!" I shoved him away quickly, just in case my mother had developed x-ray vision and was somehow watching us through the walls.

"Watch your language!" She chimed helpfully, making me wince. How did she hear that?

"Sorry, mom," I called before turning my attention back to the real matter at hand. I lowered my voice as I continued, "Seriously, Reid, my mom absolutely can't know that—"

"Joel?" Mom interrupted again. "You don't' have any food in this house! We should go out to eat, and pick you up some food while we're out." She walked around the corner, looking very business-like, and saw the two of us arguing. Luckily Reid wasn't doing anything stupid at the moment. "You might as well bring him along, too. I always like to meet your new friends, especially if you're going to live with them." She gave Reid a quick head-to-toe appraisal. "Maybe he can talk some sense into Bert and Ernie over there," she said, jerking her head towards the couch. I assumed she meant Ben and Josh.

"Sure, Mom," I conceded. There were no battles with her, because she always won.

Reid smiled again. "Thanks very much. That's nice of you."

"You're very polite," Mom noted with a smile, making me roll my eyes. Great, she liked my psycho gay stalker.

"Thank you." He answered, oozing kindness.

Mom turned to direct her beaming smile at me. "I like this one."

"Nice to see you, too," Ben and Josh yelled in unison from the couch.

Mom tactfully ignored them. "Let's go, shall we?" She waited for me to lead the way outside and I subtly pushed Reid away from the driver seat and into the back instead. There was no way she could endure a car ride with Reid driving. Hell, I barely could, and I wasn't half as high-strung as my mother. As it was, she might as well have been driving herself what with the way she critiqued every stop and turn I made as she directed me to the deli. Like I didn't know the way. When I lived at home, every weekend without fail the family went to the same place, and still she pretended that I didn't know the way.

We sat down in a booth at Sherman's, the local kosher deli. Somehow, Reid and I ended up on the same side of the table, and he trapped me between the wall and himself as my mother sat down across from us, smiling unknowingly.

"So, what do you do for a living Reid?" She asked, and I had the urge to slam my forehead against the tabletop repeatedly. She was going to put him through a fucking interview. This was not good.

He folded his hands together neatly and leaned across the table. "Well, I was a waiter but I got fired last week. I'm looking for a new job now."

I blinked, secretly impressed. Amazingly, Reid was actually being diplomatic.

"Oh, that's too bad." I watched her frown carefully, noting that I could see her taking notes on a pro and con list underneath the table. I really hoped he passed her test, because if he didn't measure up, then I was going to have to suffer through an hour-long chat about making good choices. "How long have you been with Joel?" she asked, and I choked.

Did that woman not understand the double meaning of that!?

"Um…well…."

"A few weeks," I supplied to avoid taking chances of Reid not understanding what exactly she had asked.

"That's interesting." She marked something absently on her sheet. "Are you still in school?"

"I graduated," he said smoothly. "Culinary Arts major, Philosophy minor."

What the hell?

I stared at him, dumbfounded. Reid actually…did something at some point? Did he want to be a cook or something? This was a huge surprise, and I briefly wondered why hadn't he told me. I supposed I'd never asked, but I'd never really viewed Reid as a college kind of guy.

"That's exciting!" Mom exclaimed, smiling. Luckily for Reid, she was Jewish woman, and therefore loved anything related to food and cooking. "Any luck with that?"

"Not yet though. If you need anyone to like, cater or something, I'm your man."

I rolled my eyes at that. Didn't he know that Mom already had a caterer? You had to be ready to set up a mini-deli in one telephone call around here. That's just how these families work. But then again, he'd only found out I was Jewish yesterday, so I couldn't really blame him.

"Maybe… where are you from?" Mom had weird subject changes.

"Springfield," he answered automatically.

I stiffened. Usually after the basics were over, Mom started getting more personal with her questions, and I definitely didn't want her asking him if he had a girlfriend or something, so I quickly intervened. "You know, you don't have to put him through a whole interrogation like this, Mom."

She waved an unconcerned hand my way. "Don't be silly, Joel," she dismissed my complaint effortlessly. "I have the right to know what kind of people are living with my little boy." She rolled her eyes. "Heaven knows you never call anymore, and even when we do talk, you never tell me anything. Besides, Reid doesn't mind. Do you?"

"Not at all." Reid leaned forward on one elbow on the table and put his other hand on the inside of my thigh, making my jaw clench. What. A. Bastard. This was not my knee; this was miles past my comfort zone, and it fucking tickled.

"Mom!" I yelled in a spasm or thought. It was my way of telling him to stop, but he just kept smiling and tracing his hand up and down my leg beneath the table. Mom pinned me with a strange look, reminding me that I'd just burst out with her name at the top of my lungs, and I winced. "Uh…tell me what you've been up to lately," I finished lamely. My voice cracked. My voice hadn't cracked since I was 13. I was sure I was blushing madly but mom didn't seem to notice.

She was wrapped up in her schedule again. "Well, your father and I have been thinking of a vacation for a while, he needs one badly, the way he's working at his age…" She sighed. "It's no wonder men always die first."

I jumped as I felt Reid's hand start to creep higher, nearly banging my knees on the table, and shot him a deadly glare.

Holy fucking shit.

I grabbed Reid's hand from my leg and twisted his fingers painfully to discourage him from trying anything again. Somehow, Mom kept talking for another twenty minutes, and before we left she bought us a bundle of necessary groceries, including an entire cheesecake.

I drove us home again; leaving Reid crammed in the backseat with the groceries, but didn't complain much. He was even nice and carried them in when we go back to the house.

I opened the door and Ben and Josh greeted us warmly, even though they were still in the middle of their movie. "Hey guys!" they chorused, and I waved.

"Did your mom like your boyfriend?" Josh asked like the stupid dumbfuck he was. Did he not see that she was standing right fucking behind me?

I laughed sarcastically and tried to emphasize my point in my tone of voice, "What the hell are you talking about?"

They were the biggest couple of idiots... "Dude, did you totally forget about Reid?" they asked.

Finally the pair of them noticed my mother standing in the doorway. Hyperventilating. Possibly on the verge of fainting. When Reid appeared behind her, balancing a bag of groceries in one arm, it didn't make things much better. "Everything all right?" He asked, and reached out to touch mom's shoulder reassuringly, but it had a rather opposite effect.

She jumped away, staring at him with wide eyes, and apparently he understood what had just transpired, because he set down the bag of groceries and sighed. "I guess the game's up, then," he said, a little more happily than perhaps he should have, and walked over to me. His arms slipped around my waist, hugging me from behind, and he rested his chin on my shoulder. I was too terrified to move. "I'm sorry if you're disappointed, but you raised such a sweet guy I just couldn't resist him. It's a real tribute to his upbringing." And then the idiot fucking licked me in front of my homophobic mother.

That was enough for me to start moving again. I pushed him away quickly. "Shut up, stupid! You're not helping!" I turned to my mother pleadingly. " Mom, let me explain. He's—"

"Gay!" she exploded. "With you?" Her eyes were glossed with surprised tears and her bottom lip was quivering with the promise of a real breakdown.

I desperately tried to comfort her. "No, let me explain…"

The thin shield preventing her from blowing up finally fell away. She started crying. "I think the situation explains itself fairly well," she stammered. "I'm not stupid, Joel…" And she closed her eyes, sucking in a long deep breath to collect herself, which she did surprisingly quickly. When she opened here eyes, there were still tears in them, but she looked less panicked. "Okay, honey," she said softly. "We need to have a little talk about this new…development."

I hesitated. "…Sure." I lead her to my bedroom so we could talk in private. Reid attempted to follow, but I pushed him out firmly out. "No, you stay away," I hissed. "Go find something else to do."

As soon as I closed the door she started talking. She was perched on the edge of my bed, Max curled up in a fuzzy ball nearby. She reached out to pet her as she spoke. "First of all, I don't think you should tell your father about this. If you ever come to family events, either leave him at home or bring him as a friend."

"Mom, he's not my boyfriend—" I started, but she cut me off.

"Exactly like that!" She flashed me a smile, but it was pained and quickly faded away. "I'm glad you understand."

"Mom, I…" I was powerless to explain. I watched helplessly as she stood and walked to the door, disrupting Max's nap. The cat stretched and mewled in distress, echoing my sentiments exactly.

Mom paused at the door. "I need to think about things," she said, wiping her eyes. "We'll talk later."

I bit my lip, trying to form an argument in my head that she would actually listen to. There was just no talking to her; she didn't want to hear anything I said, just jump to conclusions. "Mom, listen to me, he's not—"

"Don't take that tone with me young man," she snapped. "Don't you think," she paused to at the hallway to indicate Reid, "this is enough?" More tears were welling in her eyes.

I sighed in defeat. "Sorry, Mom," I mumbled.

"Good." She went to the front door, purposely ignoring all three of my roommates, and shot me a glare over her shoulder. "Call your mother," she managed to say before practically running out of the house. I stared after her for a few moments before slumping onto the carpet, thoroughly crushed. My head rested against my knees and as I desperately tried to think of how to explain Reid to my mom, but with no such luck.

The redhead in question sat down next to me, gently draping one arm over my shoulders. "That didn't go very well," he noted. I snorted.

I didn't even bother lifting my head to talk to him. "That isn't helping, jackass." I shrugged my shoulders to indicate his arm.

"It's not hurting, either," he pointed out. His arm tightened around me, pulling my body closer to his. "Are you okay?"

"…Yeah," I muttered. I really wasn't in the mood for an argument, especially after the ordeal with my mom, so I gave in and relaxed against him, my head coming to rest on his chest. He hugged me tightly, and I imagined he was smiling as I continued, "I wish she'd listen to me, though. It would spare everyone a hell of a lot of drama." I laughed a little at the memory. "I have to admit, her face was pretty funny when she found out."

Reid laughed too. "Yeah." There was a pause between us, and eventually he sat up a little straighter, pulling me with him. "I made you cookies."

I finally raised my head to look at him. "When?" I couldn't help but smile a little.

"While you were talking with your mom. They're only cookie dough now, though." He twisted so I could see him grin. "Want to lick the bowl?"

I rolled my eyes and shoved at his chest hard. "You're such a pervert."

"Yeah. But you know you love it." He pushed me back playfully and kissed my forehead.

"Shut up."


	6. Chapter 6

I was in need of some serious cheering up after Mom left. My mother, like most women in this sadistic world, had the amazing power to make you feel like you were five inches tall. And not just that, but she somehow compacted all your negative qualities into those five inches, leaving you feeling horribly worthless.

Apparently, Reid sensed this and pulled me to my feet, gently tugging me by the hand until I followed him into the kitchen. He pulled out a chair for me and I sat down at the table, eating raw cookie dough with a spoon. After I had my fill, he cleared my dishes and placed the leftovers on a shelf in the oven to bake, smiling the entire time. I abandoned him to do the dishes and sauntered into living room.

I curled myself around a pillow at the end of the couch, squeezing it nervously as I tried to think of what to tell my mom. I had to make it simple enough so she could understand, but detailed enough that it would be believable. Unfortunately, all I could come up with was,  _Reid is just a nutcase who followed me home one day. There's nothing between us._  Even though it was the truth, it didn't sound terribly convincing.

Reid popped in the room, wiping his hands on a dish rag, and flopped onto the couch next to me. Mere seconds after he settled himself against the cushions, his arms were wrapped around me in an affectionate hug. "Do you want to watch a movie or something?" he asked.

"Sure," I said, feeling somewhat detached. I was still thinking about my mom.

"What do you want to watch?" He nudged my knee with his.

"I don't care," I mumbled, resting my head against the arm of the couch while he somehow disentangled himself from me to walk across the room.

"Something funny, then," he said, mostly to himself, I'd assume, while he scanned the titles of our DVD collection for something to cheer me up. I heard a soft meow and looked up in time to catch his cat wandering into the room, immediately lacing herself between Reid's legs. He reached down and picked Max up, pausing to pet her before he strolled back to me and deposited her in my lap. He smiled at my questioning look. "She always makes me feel better," he explained.

I didn't feel like commenting, so I just took the cat and stroked her soft fur, absently adjusting her in my lap to pet her easier. She didn't seem to mind.

There was a static snap as the television turned on and Reid walked back, ruffling my hair affectionately as he swept past me and into the next room. "I'll be right back," he said over his shoulder.

I shrugged and focused on the TV. I didn't know what movie was playing, but it had shit previews as far as I was concerned. Max was purring loudly against my chest, and I was happy to scratch her being the ears indulgently for the few minutes Reid was gone.

When he came back, he was carrying a piece of computer paper which he handed to me with a smirk. "I drew you a picture," he said, and reclaimed the seat next to mine. I accepted it suspiciously.

"These are stick figures," I muttered and held it out at arm's length to study it, wondering what exactly I was missing.

"It's us!" he sang happily, one finger pointing at the paper by way of explanation.

I turned it sideways just to make sure I was seeing it right, squinting in confusion. "I only see one person," I finally admitted.

"Exactly," Reid said with a lewd grin, and snaked one arm around my waist before I could say a word of protest otherwise. "Do you need anything else, honeybutt?"

I twisted around so I could see his face. "Why the fuck are you taking care of me like this?" I asked.

He reached up and brushed some of my hair away from my eyes, letting his fingers linger just behind my ear to play with the ends of my hair. "Because coming out of the closet is a hard transition, especially considering  _your_  situation." He kissed my left temple softly, making me wince. "I want to make it as comfortable as possible for you."

I frowned. "Reid, I'm  _not_  gay!" I growled and pushed him away quickly. Max made a loud hiss of complaint and burrowed deeper into my lap, annoyed by all the movement.

"Shit, that's right!" He snapped his fingers in frustration. He sighed, "Well, bi still has its issues, and even if that's not the problem, you still got your feelings hurt." I lowered my head at that, trying to escape the feeling of his eyes watching me so intensely. "Am I right?" Reid's fingers pushed my chin up slightly so that he could see my eyes, which were most likely suspiciously wet.

"Yeah," I choked and quickly turned away in embarrassment.

I felt the couch sink as Reid scooted closer to me. With one hand on my shoulder, he pulled me solidly back against him and cradled my head against his chest. I could make out a faint heartbeat through the thin material of his T-shirt. He cleared his throat. "You know, when I came out, my family sort of freaked out for a while, but eventually they came around."

"Really?" I was surprised, to say the least. Everything had seemed perfect between Reid and his family at the wake, despite his preferences.

"Yeah." He laughed, creating a flutter of rises and falls under my head. "Actually, my dad beat the living crap out of me."

"What?" I jerked away to meet his eyes in disbelief.

He nodded almost imperceptibly. "I'm completely serious. I couldn't even stand up when he was done." Somehow, he laughed again. "It's kind of funny, though, because he came back half an hour later with an ice pack and he said he was sorry, and that it was ok."

"Wow." That was the only thing I could think of to say. My mom was mild-mannered compared to that, which was really saying something.

"Yeah." He shrugged. "It was cool, though, because by the time I was better, the rest of the family seemed to be okay with it, too."

"That's nuts." It felt odd when Reid was this serious, but I somewhat appreciated the change. Happy, bubbly, Reid was okay most of the time, but that sort of attitude generally wasn't appreciated when you were as upset as I was.

"Kind of, yeah." His hand tightened on my shoulder and he hugged me closer against him, his voice coming out slightly strained. "I'm glad I told him, though. I would have always wanted to know what he would think, and he died later that year, you know? So I don't regret it or anything," he murmured, half to himself. It seemed like I wasn't the only one he was trying to convince.

"How did he die?" I asked carefully, and scratched Max to distract myself. She seemed quite pleased with the arrangement.

"Plane crash," he answered automatically.

"That sucks." Thinking about Reid's family made me think of my own family. My thoughts had now returned to my mother, and I wanted to change the subject as quickly as possible. "What's your mom like?" I asked.

"Very pretty. She was really nice, too. Always made me lunch for school and stuff." A little smile found his face and he jabbed my side playfully. "You would have liked her," he said softly.

I sensed from his tone of voice that something wasn't quite right with his mother, either. "Is she dead too?"

"Yeah, a few years after my dad. Lung cancer."

"When was that?" I wondered.

"When I was in college, just after I graduated last year."

"Really?" My eyes widened a little. He seemed to be taking this conversation well. "You graduated?"

"Yeah." His shoulders lifted in a shrug. "It's hard to get a job as a cook, though. A  _real_  cook, I mean, not the guy who f lips burgers at McDonald's." The serious expression on his face melted when he smiled at me. "It's funny; I thought you didn't like your mom interrogating me."

My eyebrows bent in confusion. "I didn't."

His smile transformed into a smug smirk. "Then how come you're doing the same thing?"

I blushed in frustration and sat up, putting some much-needed distance between us. "I'm trying to take my mind off that subject, okay? I didn't know it was such a big deal!" The movie wasn't doing anything for me, and I had yet to even figure out what it was, so I didn't feel bad leaving in the middle of it. I dumped Max in Reid's lap and got up with the firm intent of locking myself in my room for the next few hours.

"No, no, no!" Reid whined from behind me. He stretched out across the couch to catch me around the waist and pull me back to him. Max hissed in protest as she was practically crushed between us and soon disappeared down the hall in a flurry of fur and claws. Reid ignored her and focused all his attention on me, schooling his face into a pleading expression. "I'm sorry, I was just teasing. Go ahead, ask me anything you want."

"Whatever." I brushed him off and wrapped my arms around my knees, pulling them against my chest so I could hide my face and go back to feeling miserable. It reminded me of middle school, actually.

"Really, it's okay! I don't mind." He stroked my hair, obviously trying to get me to open up again, but I refused.

I muttered something moderately offensive into my knees, but he didn't seem to hear me. Instead, he wrapped his arms around me as well as he could without disturbing my position and began pleading with me apologetically.

"I'm sorry, please don't be grumpy with me," he mumbled, and I felt him rub his nose against the exposed skin on the back of my neck. "Come on, I'm the only one you've got left," he whined, and it was then that he learned a fact I had managed to keep secret thus far: I was ticklish. Very much so. His fingers brushed against the sensitive spot on my side, and I could help but jerk in a sudden spasm of laughter. I tried to turn and kick him away, but he knocked me on my back with more vicious tickling, sitting on my legs to protect himself.

"Stop it!" I managed hiss between bouts of laughter. "I'm fucking serious, Reid! Stop!" But the sadistic asshole continued his torture until I managed to get my hands free long enough to grab his arms and physically stop him, flushed and gasping for breath before I finally looked him in the eye. "You're such an ass," I seethed.

"Yup." Reid's mouth tipped in a goofy smile. He was practically lying on top of me by this point, so he dropped his chin onto my chest to finish the job, pieces of red hair flopping over his eye with the movement. It made me nervous to have him covering me like that. "Feeling any better?" he asked hopefully.

"No," I answered stubbornly, even though I secretly was.

He sat up and put his hands on either side of me for balance. "Want to go out to eat?" he asked. There was a pause, and he smiled, continuing at my hesitation. "My treat," he clarified.

I was reluctant to agree, but his suggestion wasn't actually a bad idea. Dinner sounded good, especially considering the fact that I didn't have to pay, but I didn't exactly feel like being left alone with Reid right now. Ben and Josh were still home, so I decided to invite them along. Even  _they_  weren't stupid enough to turn down a free meal.

Reid beat us all to the car and claimed the driver's seat, which made me even more nervous that having him on top of me, and it took some heavy persuasion from Ben and Josh to get me outside. The pair of them more or less ended up dragging me into the car, and Reid insisted on putting my on my seatbelt, earning a glare from me and a silent car ride there.

Reid directed me into a bar and grill restaurant I'd never been to before. It was small and somewhat smoky, but I didn't really mind, and we were seated quickly. Ben and Josh made sure I was sitting next to Reid, and I made a mental note to punch them both later.

A polite waitress appeared with a notepad, pulling a pen from behind her ear, and asked us what we wanted. I ordered a random number off the menu and proceeded to space out, staring absently at the fluorescent lights until she left. Reid excused himself to go to the bathroom and crawled over my lap to get out of the booth before I could even move for him. I thought about making a run for it again, but Reid  _was_  paying, and I was already here, so it seemed kind of worthless.

He made his triumphant return several minutes later. He smiled at the three of us but didn't ask me to get up for him to sit down again, making our waitress maneuver awkwardly around him to give us our drinks. He followed her with his eyes as she walked away, which was fucking weird, because last time I checked; Reid was very,  _very_  gay.

He clapped his hands enthusiastically. "Okay! Ready to go, guys?"

"What the fuck, man?" Ben muttered.

"Hell no, we just got our drinks," Josh complained around his straw.

I narrowed my eyes at Reid, suddenly suspicious. "What did you do?" I demanded.

"Nothing," he said a little too quickly. "I don't like this place. Bad vibes, you know?" What a bad liar, he was fidgeting like crazy.

"You picked this place though," Ben said, looking at his coke mournfully.

"I don't know, I just think that we should—" He glanced over his shoulder briefly and made a small, choked noise of panic before turning back to us. "We have to leave now."

"What?" I blurted, totally confused. I craned my neck to see what set him off, but he quickly moved to block my view of the restaurant.

"Tell you in the car," he said quickly. "We really need to leave."

"Not until I get an explanation—" I was abruptly cut off as Reid grabbed my arms and hauled me out of my seat, practically carrying me out the doors, which Ben and Josh held open to ease our escape.

"So what  _was_ that?" I hissed once we were alone in the parking lot.

"I broke the sink," Reid admitted, lowering his eyes guiltily.

I blinked in surprise. "You did  _what_?"

Reid blushed for what I swore was the first time since our meeting. "Snapped off the hot water handle," he said. "The drain was clogged, but the water was too hot for me to fix it, so I ran." He pulled the car keys out of his pocket with a little jingle and reached for the door. I blocked him.

"I can't believe you fucking did that! Do you plan of paying for it?" I sounded like my mother.

"Not exactly." He gave me a  _well, duh_  look. "That's why we ran away."

"You rock, Reid," Ben and Josh said almost in unison, patting him on the back simultaneously. Had I mentioned yet how much those two freaked me out sometimes? Because they were really fucking weird.

"Thanks, guys," he said with an unsteady smile.

"Since when is damaging private property considered cool?" I snapped at my roommates.

"Um, since now?" Josh suggested.

"Jesus Christ, I can't believe you guys. You're impossible." I ripped the car keys out of Reid's hand. "I'm driving home."

"But—" he protested, but I cut him off.

"I'd rather  _not_  have you breaking any more laws today," I explained with a glare.

"That's sweet of you, honeybutt," he crooned, and I noticed his hand twitch like he was going to grab me for who knows what dirty deed, so I ducked into the car to avoid the situation.

We arrived home without breaking any laws, despite the encouragement of my backseat drivers. Apparently Ben and Josh thought riding with Reid was fun because it was, in their opinion, almost like a roller coaster without a line or amusement park fees. I never noticed how unlawful Reid was until now.

Once we were back inside, Ben and Josh decided to be nice for once, and they offered to get some nice, lawful food for all of us, provided that Reid pay. He agreed, and soon we were left all alone, much to my dismay. Thankfully, he seemed like he was going to behave, and I flopped onto the couch in exhaustion. Reid wandered into the kitchen.

"Hey, Joel," he called, "zoom in on the answering machine."

I blinked furiously. "Huh?"

"You've got a message," he explained with a laugh, and I trotted into the kitchen to see him indicate the answering machine's red light with a jerk of his head.

I pushed play, and my mother's voice filtered into the kitchen. "Hi, Joel honey," she said, making me cringe. Great, just what I needed. "I hope your fruity roommates aren't listening, because I have some bad news for you. I had a talk with your father, and we've decided that you really need to get rid of your boyfriend. Kick him out, dump him, do anything, just get rid of him. "There was a pause. "Do you remember your cousin, Rebecca?" I didn't. "Probably not, because we had to kick her out of the family when she got that tattoo. Jewish girls aren't allowed to get tattoos, just like Jewish boys aren't allowed to get boyfriends." Another pause. "Okay, honey? Maybe we'll see you for Passover dinner next month. We love you. Bye."

"That hurts." Reid clutched at his heart as the machine beeped and the message ended. "And here I thought your mom was pretty nice."

"What the fuck?" I asked no one in particular, ignoring Reid's comment.

"It's okay," he murmured, wrapping his arms around me in a comforting gesture. "My family's big enough for two, and I'm happy to share with you."

"Yeah, no shit," I said with a snort. I took the following moment of silence to stop and collect myself. Reid, as usual, took it the wrong way. In his world, it probably meant something like 'Because Joel's not protesting a hug, it means I can rape him,' and he wasted no time in nipping at my neck, making me push him hard. I crossed to the other side of the room angrily; this was serious. "Look Reid," I snapped, "I don't  _want_  to be disowned from my family. I like them."

"Yeah, but they'll come around." He smiled encouragingly. "You'll see. They'll miss you after a few weeks, and then everything will be back to normal."

I shook my head vigorously. I really did wish he were right, but I knew for a fact that he wasn't. It would make a lot of things easier if my family was more understanding, but that just wasn't how things worked.

"For starters," I pointed a finger at him like I was scolding a child, "my family is nothing like yours, and secondly, I'm not even gay for crying out loud!"

"I know. You're bi." His eyes lit up. "Hey, speaking of which, where's your bracelet?"

I covered my wrist automatically. "Reid!" I growled, narrowing my eyes. I needed him to be serious again.

"Okay, okay," he sighed. It seemed like he finally understood. He crossed the kitchen to stand beside me politely, his green eyes fixed adamantly on my dark blue ones. "What do you want me to do?"

"Leave!" I shouted, shattering the peace between us.

"I can't," he said, lowering his head as he shook it.

"What? The door's right there!" I gestured to the door not three feet away.

"It's fate, Joel! I can't just go home knowing you and I are meant to be together," he said, watching me intensely, but I refused to budge. That stupid adorable puppy look was  _not_  going to work on me this time.

"There's no such thing as fate," I said, waving my hands in the air in frustration.

He cracked a grin. "According to the blanket theory—"

That was it; he wasn't taking this seriously at all. I gave him way too much credit before; he wasn't understanding or considerate or nice or  _anything_. He was just a crazy asshole, and I was finished.

"That was a  _movie_! I don't want this anymore, Reid!" I sighed, running my hands through my hair as I tried to collect myself. "What can I do to prove it to you?" I asked eventually.

"Prove what?" he asked, a hint of anger tainting his voice.

"That this was  _just_  a coincidence?"

He turned to me after a few moments of silence, his green eyes glassed over with unshed tears. "You can't," he said quietly.

I wasn't going to let him get away with this just because he was acting like a baby. "Then what do I have to do to get you to leave?" I begged.

"I don't know." Reid dropped his gaze to the tiled floor, scuffing his shoes awkwardly.

"Please?" I whispered.

After a several minutes of awkward silence, Reid eventually said something. "Okay," he agreed. "I'll play you for it."

"What?" I so surprised when he finally said something I wasn't sure I understood it.

"Halo," he clarified stiffly. "If you win, I'll leave. But if I win, you'll give me a chance. For real." He stared at me, waiting for a response, his expression betraying nothing.

"Okay," I agreed, and I led him downstairs. While walking to the basement to play Halo 2, I thought back to the night we'd first met, and it made me reflect on the past week. Ironic was what you called this stage, I supposed. A coincidence that Halo brought us together and would also set us apart; I had to win for Mom  _and_  my Joelinity's sake.

Neither of us said anything while I plugged in the wires and switched on the television. He refused to look at me, so I handed him a controller and sat down to play.

I played the longest, most intense, most vicious, and all around best game of Halo I'd ever played in my life. When everything was said and done, I looked over at Reid with a satisfied smile covering my face.

Reid, however, looked dead inside. His eyes were wide in shock at my amazingly close victory, the controller limp in his hands. The healthy flush of his cheeks drained away. "I…lost?" He whispered.

I stared, unable to think of anything to say. This wasn't the kind of person Reid was supposed to be.

"Guess I'll…see you around." He stood up, just like that. He started up the stairs and I heard Max cry for his attention, or at least to ask him what was wrong; I couldn't tell. I ran to the bottom of the stairs in time to see him pick her up before he walked deliberately down the hallway and straight to the door.

"Hey, Reid—" I started as I reached the top of the stairs, but it was too late; he slammed the door behind him and he went directly to the car parked in the driveway. Ben and Josh must have come in while we were playing.

He was backing the car out of the driveway before I could even say anything. "That fuckhead took my car," I muttered under my breath.

Ben popped up behind me. "Hey, where's he going?" he wondered.

"Home," I said.

"What?" He gave me a funny look. "I thought he was staying here?"

"No, he had to go home." I was starting to get really annoyed with him.

"You guys have a fight or something?" he asked curiously

"Fuck off, Ben." I brushed him off and headed for my room.

"You're cranky without your boyfriend," Josh commented from the couch.

"Fuck off, Josh."


	7. Chapter 7

So Reid was gone. To be honest, I was shocked that it was so easy in the end. Who knew that all I had to do was win one little game of Halo? I never would have guessed.

After he left, I didn't know what to do with myself. There were suddenly so many possibilities open to me that I didn't even know what to do first. Eventually I decided to take a shower, especially because it had been quite some time since I'd been able to have one without constantly having to worry about someone peeking at me.

After I took care of that, I went to the kitchen for some food. I realized that Ben and Josh had not noticed Reid's cookies, so I took the whole plate in my room with me, mostly to hide them before my crazy roommates could eat them all. Once I was in my room, I realized that a plate of cookies was worthless without a glass of milk, so I went back into the kitchen. Reid's stupid drawing was still hanging on the fridge, so I quickly crumpled into a ball and tossed in the trash, scowling. He'd somehow managed to leave an imprint on almost everything in the house even though he'd been there only a few days. It was kind of disgusting. I got my milk and retreated back into my room as fast as possible.

After I realized I didn't have to lock my door anymore, I tried to think of other things I could do. First off, I pushed my dresser back where it belonged. I certainly didn't need a barricade for my door, and I could finally unlock the window now that I didn't have to worry about a crazy redhead climbing in through it in the middle of the night. I lingered briefly after opening the window, sighing at the short, quick breeze that lifted my bangs away from my face. I stared at the road that Reid had driven down and wondered how the hell I was going to get my car back. I'd probably have to pay him a visit.

Well, that wouldn't be so bad.

Secretly, I was curious about Reid's reaction to our separation. Sure, I could handle it, but Reid was such a big baby about things sometimes, and I wanted to see exactly how he was taking it.

Turning back to the interior of my room, I decided that I had a rather long reading list to attend to, so I grabbed a book from my shelf and contentedly dropped onto my bed with the plate of cookies and my big, thick book.

Suddenly, my door swung open and Ben and Josh popped their heads in. I narrowed my eyes at them over the pages of my book, wishing they would just go away.

"What the fuck do you want?" I snapped.

Josh shoved Ben inside my room in front of him, like he was a fucking shield or something. "Joel?" Ben asked nervously.

I could smell that something fishy was going on. "Yes?"

"When is Reid coming back?" He asked timidly.

"Never," I growled, turning my attention back to my book. This distraction definitely wasn't worth my time.

"What?" This time Josh was the one asking the questions, and he was much ruder and far more confident than Ben. He walked to my bed, grabbed my book and threw it on the floor. "What the hell did you do to him that made him finally leave?"

Josh was a fucking overdramatic idiot sometimes. I gave him a fierce glare to tell him to back the hell off. "I kicked him out."

"Why?"

I sighed and pushed my glasses to their proper place on my nose. "Look, I could either get rid of him or get disowned by my family because they don't want me to be gay, which I never was in the first place, despite what Reid thinks…" I trailed off, glaring at the corner in anger as I remembered my mother's face when she saw Reid hug me.

"You weren't?" Ben asked, still standing wisely near the doorway for an easy escape.

"No!" I threw up my hands in frustration. "Don't you two pay attention to anything?" I stared at the twin expressions of stupidity that they wore and realized that no, they really didn't pay attention to anything. I sighed, incredibly annoyed. "Reid was always the one doing something," I hissed through clenched teeth. Thinking back, never once had I initiated anything. I didn't know where the hell these two were getting ideas.

Ben walked up behind Josh to voice his opinion. "But you never stopped him, either, so we figured that maybe you were just pretending to be victimized. We could never really figure out why, though."

I glared at both of them. "You can't stop him; he's like, a tornado of random groping and molesting!" Christ, how did I miss the fact that they were such total idiots before now?

The two of them exchanged glances and then went back to me. Ben spoke for them this time. "Whatever you say"

"Yeah." Josh bent over to pick my book up off the floor and grinned at it before he handed it to me. "Looks like you've got some important reading to do," he said with a wink, stressing the syllable read, like I was retarded and couldn't figure out that it was pronounced like Reid. I really wanted to punch him in the face, him and his stupid puns.

I laughed sarcastically. "Oh, Josh, you're so fucking punny I could kill you." My fake laughter faded quickly and I resumed glaring at him. If they hadn't shrank back to the door and left on their own, I would have thrown them out right then. What a pair of fucking assholes. It wasn't like they could make me like Reid, or even boys, for that matter. I was straight, dammit.

Really.

I tried getting back into my book, but I'd lost the mood, so I stormed out of my room only to discover that Ben and Josh had wisely retreated to the basement, safe from my angry rage.

I withdrew into the living room, content to hide there from the rest of the household, and settled into the couch cushions to watch TV. My left eyelid started twitching when I noticed Reid had somehow constructed a 3-D representation of his name using pens and scotch tape on the coffee table.

"That idiot," I muttered, and I quickly swept my hand across the table to clear it. The pens landed in a clutter on the floor, rattling against one of the empty cans of Diet Coke Reid had probably left there, which only increased my anger. Why the hell couldn't I escape him? He'd only been here a week, for Christ's sake.

Annoyed, I grabbed the remote control and flipped the TV on, sinking deeper into the cushions. Unfortunately, the movie Reid had put in was still playing in my head, and I ended up throwing the remote control across the room in my frustration. It smashed against the wall, the batteries scattering on the floor next to the pens, and I stalked into the kitchen to distract myself.

I did what any normal, self-pitying, angry individual would do; I opened the fridge in search of the most deliciously fattening food in the house. However, I slammed the door shut when all I found was the box of Klondike bars, nearly screaming in frustration.

"Why is he associated with everything in this fucking house?" I yelled to myself, pulling at my hair.

I slid my hand along the kitchen counter for my car keys, intending to go to the grocery store and buy some food that wasn't associated with that crazy redhead, when I realized two very important things: one, I didn't even have my car, and two, I could never go to the grocery store again after the scene Reid had created.

Okay, that was it. It was time to get my fucking car back.

"Ben! Josh!" I stormed to the basement door and ripped it open, bellowing down the stairs to them. "Get up here right now, I need to talk to you!"

There was a low crash followed by their rapid footsteps, and soon they were staring at me with matching expressions of severity.

"Joel, we have something to tell you," they said.

I raised my eyebrows. "Well, hurry up with it, I want to leave soon."

"We're calling an intervention," Josh said. Ben nodded his agreement.

I just scowled. "What?"

"Yes." Josh looked incredibly determined. "You're being stupid."

"Really stupid," Ben chimed in.

"What the fuck are you two idiots talking about?" I growled.

Josh crossed his arms stubbornly. "Honestly, Reid is the best thing that's ever going to happen to you."

Ben nodded meekly from his side. "We've been talking, and we honestly can't come up with a reason why Reid wanted you at all. You were mean to him, you punched him in the face, you rejected him constantly—"

"You have a big nose—" Josh cut in.

My hand flew up to cover my nose defensively. "I do not have a big nose."

The blonde rolled his eyes. "Yes, you do."

"Look, I didn't ask you guys for a fucking critique! If you guys are going to be assholes, I'll just walk to Reid's." I shoved them both aside on my way to the door, scowling at them over my shoulder. "I'll tell him you miss him."

"Wait a minute; you're going to Reid's?" Josh jumped in front of me, raising his arms to block the doorway. He was grinning. "And you're willing to walk there? Wow. You're desperate, man."

Ben noticed my angry expression and tugged at Josh's arms warningly. "Watch out, you're pissing him off."

"Yeah, yeah." Josh waved him away, keeping his focus on me. "So you want a ride, right? We'd be happy to take you, if you're going to Reid's."

"Whatever." I brushed past him and outside to Ben and Josh's crappy '98 Cherokee, listening to their heavy footsteps as they followed me. The AC in their Jeep didn't work properly and the knobs always fell off, so I rolled down the window as soon as Josh started the engine.

I muttered the instructions to them on our way there, seeing as I was the only person who knew were he lived, which Josh liked giving me crap about it as well. If he weren't driving, I would seriously consider killing him right now.

We made two wrong turns before we found a building I recognized as Reid's apartment complex. I knew we had the right place for sure when I saw my car in the parking lot. Parked incredibly poorly, might I add. Reid was such a shit driver; he had two spots all to himself, the inconsiderate asshole.

Speaking of inconsiderate assholes, Ben and Josh sped off in that crappy old Jeep as soon as I got past the front doors. Yes, stranding your only income was always a nice thing to do. I really needed new roommates. Ones that didn't abandon the person who paid for the water and electricity.

I walked over to the front desk to ask what room and floor Reid lived on, because nothing would make this day any worse than going to the wrong apartment and having to deal with that embarrassment. "Can you tell me which apartment Reid lives in?" I asked, using what little social skills I had. Reid had no last name, not that I knew of, anyway, so I didn't give one. I thought about describing him, but the guy seemed to know who I was talking about.

He raised his eyes away from his computer screen. "So I guess you're the guy who threw him out?" His fingers flew across the keys, hopefully towards finding Reid's room number for me.

"I guess so," I muttered. I didn't want to get his hopes up, though, so I quickly added, "He stole my car, so I'm just here to get my keys back."

He nodded and clicked on something on the screen. "Sure, sure. Room 301; that's on the third floor. Good luck." He winked at me and I wanted to knock out a few teeth in that smug smile he flashed at me. Why didn't anyone believe I was straight?

"Thanks," I spat and stabbed the elevator button with my finger to work out some of my aggression.

The elevator chimed overly cheerfully when it reached the third floor, making me scowl at its enthusiasm. I hated it when my surroundings didn't match my mood.

I went the wrong way down the hallway and ended up walking around the whole floor before I found room 301. Hesitantly, I knocked on the door.

"Go away, I'm not home." It was definitely Reid's apartment, and although his voice was muffled through the door, I could still recognize him.

"Reid?" He sounded awful. Not at all like the happy Reid I knew so well. "Are you in there?"

There was a long pause before he answered, "Sort of."

I was getting impatient. I just wanted to get my car keys and get him out of my life forever. "Open the door, Reid," I demanded through the wood.

I heard Reid groan from inside, "Door's open."

I twisted the doorknob angrily and saw Reid stretched sloppily across the floor. He was dressed in an old gray shirt and boxers, and there was an impressive castle made out of beer cans in the corner of his room that I didn't remember seeing before. This time it looked like his Irish remedies hadn't taken care of the side effects.

In short, he looked like shit. I felt at least moderately responsible for that, but I ignored that stupid stab of guilt by telling myself that he deserved it. After all, it wasn't my fault he couldn't take no for an answer, or that he was such a stubborn jerk about everything.

I closed the door behind me and walked over to him. "You should think about locking your door, fuckhead," I grumbled. "You're going to get robbed." He looked rather pathetic from where I was standing over him, and it felt very unnatural to me, considering how used I was to his overconfidence and… enthusiasm.

He rolled over to face the wall. "Who cares?" he muttered, moving his arms into a cradle for his head. "I'm pretty happy where I am right now." His hand stretched out to pet his cat but she dodged him and jumped over his stomach to purr against my legs.

I sat down to return her affection, and she mewled happily as she crawled over my crossed legs to let me pet her. I was feeling fairly confident that Reid wouldn't be doing anything sneaky today. Maybe he was actually taking a hint for once. "You're not yourself today," I noted, staring at Reid's back. "I came in your house, alone, and you haven't attacked me yet."

He snorted, "I'm in my tree, talking to Led Zeppelin, and he's making me feel better."

I snorted right back at him. "Enough with the Huckabees," I grumbled. He really knew how to push my buttons. I was starting to hate that movie more and more…

"Fine, I'm busy reconsidering the way the world works," he amended snappishly. Now he was getting angry, too. I had never seen Reid angry before, and the idea kind of freaked me out.

I didn't want to get into a big fight, so I tried for a noncommittal response. "…That's deep."

It worked. He giggled to himself, "Hum, not yet honeybutt. You ain't seen nothing." He finally rolled back to me so I could see his face; a little smile was on his lips.

"That's a little more like it." I couldn't believe I was actually encouraging him.

Suddenly his face reverted to a serious expression, those big green eyes of his blinking at me. "Are you saying you enjoy that?"

"No." I hoped I didn't look as embarrassed as I felt. "I came here to get my car back."

Reid turned his face back to the carpet. "Yeah, sorry. I'm not really thinking properly."

I threw up my hands in disgust. "All right, fine!" He looked up at me curiously, and I buckled. "I feel bad that I've somehow reduced you to an organic lump on your carpet," I admitted grumpily. I lavished Max with attention in order to avoid eye contact. "What the hell are you thinking about? Why is this such a big deal? We only knew each other a week, Reid!"

No matter how hard I tried not to look at him, I couldn't miss the tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. Shit. I hadn't meant to make him cry.

He shifted his face sideways against the floor, burrowing his nose into the crook of his arm. "…Did you miss me, at all?"

I crossed my arms and threw my eyes around the room, focusing on his Budweiser castle. "Don't get your hopes up, asshole. This is about getting my car back." Neither of us said anything, and, in my desperation, I thought of my asshole roommates. "Ben and Josh say hi."

Reid's eye sparked with the formation of a smile. "You missed me."

I leaned back on my hands. "Whatever."

He moved up to a sitting position; that idiotic smile of his was back. "That isn't a no."

I sighed heavily and glared at him, feeling embarrassed and stupid again. "Just shut up."

"You're blushing." Reid pointed out oh-so-helpfully.

What an asshole! I didn't feel bad for dumping him anymore. He must have been faking it, the sly bastard. "I said shut up!"

Reid leaned in towards me just slightly, his old self almost fully recovered now. "According to the blanket theory—"

It was amazing; Reid really just couldn't take a fucking hint. I wanted to punch him in the face again, even though the yellow and blue bruises on his nose hadn't quite faded yet. He was back to Huckabees again, too; he just couldn't stop pushing all my damn buttons. I couldn't stand to hear the rest of what that sentence was going to be, so I grabbed two fistfuls of his crazy red hair and slammed his mouth against mine to make him stop.

And that was my way of telling him I loved him. I had never been a very outgoing person, and I probably had more high heels than social skills, so it was the only way I could think of to do it.

I drew the line when Reid decided to show me how much he loved me back by pushing his tongue into my mouth. I wasn't in the mood for his crap, so I bit him hard to make him understand.

"Ow!" He recoiled, holding his mouth. "You bit me!"

I crossed my arms and shot him my best deathglare. "I didn't say you could shove your tongue down my throat! I told you to shut up!" I shook my head angrily. "You never listen to anything!"

He stared at me for a minute with an inquisitive look in his eyes, and he pursed his lips in consideration before tackling me to the floor. "You got it!" he sang happily, and he bent his head to plant kisses against my neck.

I felt my face get warm and tried to push him away to no avail. "What are you doing?"

He stopped to smile at me. "I figured out what shut up means."

I raised an eyebrow at that. I had always thought it was pretty obvious what shut up meant.

Reid smiled, tracing his fingers along the collar of my shirt. "In Joelish, it means that you secretly want me to have my dirty way with you."

Reid must be absolutely insane. "No it doesn't!" I tried to get away from him before he could do anything, but he grabbed both my shoulders and pinned me down against the carpet.

"Yes it does." He grinned. "You always tell me that when you like me." I hadn't ever stopped to consider this theory, but I was sure I told Reid to shut up just about every ten minutes, so it couldn't possibly be true.

Reid took my few seconds of consideration as positive confirmation of his hypothesis, and he dipped his head to capture my mouth again, but luckily I caught his face with my fist.

"No, I don't—" I growled when he kissed my knuckles. "Reid, stop it!" I ripped myself away from him, kicking my legs uselessly. Jesus, I just wanted to let him know I wanted him back, not to turn this into a make out session on his living room floor. "I'm not gay!"

"Yeah, you're bi." He smiled at the blush that swept across my cheeks when his hands crawled beneath my shirt. "It's okay; I won't hold it against you."

I sighed at that, relaxing against his hands, a little reluctantly. "Do we have to do this right now?"

"Yep." He leaned down to breathe hot air against my neck, making me shiver.

"Not here."

"Well, okay. Maybe not." He raised his eyebrows suggestively. "After all, the bedroom's right over there."

"No way in hell," I snapped, but my scowl melted when he pouted his lips and widened his green eyes, pinning me with the infamous puppy dog look that got me into this mess in the first place. "Oh, fine," I sighed, propping myself up on my elbows, and allowed him one quick peck on the lips.

Of course, Reid wasn't satisfied with that, and he tackled me so hard I had rug burn on both my arms. I didn't really mind, though, and I told him to shut up before I let him kiss me again.

Max apparently got impatient and decided we were paying too much attention to each other and not enough to her, because she jumped on Reid's shoulder and started rubbing her head against his neck, purring and mewling loudly.

"Maxine," he groaned and sat back to pluck her away, looking torn between frustration and amusement. She stretched and meowed, trying to cling to his shirt with her claws, and Reid sighed in what I assumed was defeat, cradling her against his chest. "Oh, fine, you crazy animal. I love you, too."

I smirked a little at the use of Max's full name, amused that not even cats were exempt from the rule of full name usage when you were in trouble. If Max had a middle name, I think Reid would have used that, too.

"Come on," I said, climbing to my feet. I grabbed his arm and hauled him up next to me, pausing to smile apologetically when Max made a noise of annoyance. "Let's go."

Back at home, Ben and Josh were on the couch watching a movie again. Star Wars this time. We walked in just as Han Solo was being frozen in carbonite, and Ben's eyes looked suspiciously misty. Josh had an arm around him comfortingly, although it was impossible to miss the laughter in his eyes. He was making fun of him while he hugged him.

"You're kidding, right?" He jabbed Ben in the side. "First Sam, now Han? Who else are you going to cry over, you big baby?"

"Shut up," Ben growled, scrubbing at his eyes to hide the faint trace of tears. "I'm not crying."

"You are too! I can see it!"

"Then get your eyes checked, because you're obviously wrong!"

"Oh, Jesus." I rolled my eyes and slammed the door to let them know I was back. Their heads simultaneously snapped in our direction, both of them jumping off the couch when they noticed Reid.

"You got him back!" Ben was grinning.

"Man, I can't believe he let you," Josh snickered. I glared.

"I hate both of you, just so you know." I pushed them aside, dragging Reid along by his ratty T-shirt, and claimed the end of the couch opposite from where they'd been sitting. He settled down practically on top of me, his hands already creeping toward my shirt, and I rolled my eyes half-heartedly when I stopped him.

Josh flopped down on the cushion next to us. "So, what about your mom?"

I shrugged. I hadn't really thought about that, actually. "Um," I said before Reid started nibbling my ear, I tried to make him stop but… no dice. "That's a good question." I managed.

Ben sat down, too. "Shouldn't you tell her you're gay?"

I scowled at that, pointing a finger at them accusingly. "First of all," I growled, "I'm not gay, and second of all, thanks to you fuckheads, she already knows." Reid wasn't helping; he'd moved onto other things that were just as – if not more – distracting.

"Oh, yeah." There was a brief pause as Josh played with the hem of his T-shirt; his expression was bordering close to something I secretly hoped was incredible, soul-crushing guilt. "…So, what are you gonna do?"

Maybe if Reid hadn't been licking me, I could have come up with a better idea. He was providing a very convincing argument for his side. "Nothing," I said, enjoying myself. Right now, he was much, much better than my homophobic mother.

Ben's eyes widened. "Dude, what if she drops by again?"

"Shove Reid in the closet." I said with another shrug.

Reid didn't really like that idea. He threw his arms around me with a pout, nuzzling my neck as he whined, "But what about all my stuff? How will you hide that?"

That was the last straw. Why did he have to go for my neck, he knew that it was sensitive! I shoved his head away as I responded, "Well, we'll put that in there, too."

Reid blinked. "Must be a pretty big closet."

"I'll say," Ben and Josh chimed with matching grins. "He's been hiding in it for years!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEN AND JOSH ARE A THING AND NOBODY CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.
> 
> Oh, wait, I'm the author. That makes it canon, right?
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading this silly old thing all the way to the end! It's almost 9 years old now. o_o I hope it was still enjoyable for some. <3


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